Social media is the gift and the curse. The gift is that your family and friends can update their lives at the touch of a few keys whenever they want. They can share the things they thought were interesting or important from that day. They are able to share parts of themselves regardless of the good and bad, where they are located or the time of day. The funny thing about a lot of gifts is that there is also a cursed attached to them.
The curse of social media is that your family, friends and anyone else online can update their lives at the touch of a few keys whenever they want. They can share the things they thought were interesting or important from that day. They are able to share parts of themselves regardless of the good and bad, where they are located or the time of day. Yes, the gift is the curse, and the curse is the gift. This has allowed a semi- free exchange of ideas. Of course, this means that people can present themselves as an expert on topics they have no experience with, and it has created a large group of people that could rival Siskel and Ebert in giving their thumbs up or thumbs down. This being said, I am in several online groups.
Within these groups there are people sharing their life experiences while also judging others' sharing of their life experiences. More often than not, I am reading and observing others and doing very little interacting with the other patrons; until recently. As of current, I have been enjoying imparting some of my wisdom into certain situations. This then opens the door for others to peek into my head while picking apart my ideas. I am okay with that concept though, because I only speak when I am confident about what I am saying and so I only write when I know I have something worthwhile to write. No foul, no harm.
October is domestic violence awareness month, along with other awareness's that are dear to my heart, and I will take a few days to speak about them but not in this post. The same thing that I am doing with my blog is what I have been doing in the groups. I want someone to be able to search out the truth of their situations. I want the unwitting victims to remove their blinders sooner than later so, I shed a little light on examples given that may be rooted in an abusive tactic. I do this with the full understanding that while in the midst of being abused, with the exception of physically, the victim most likely has no clue they are in an abusive relationship. I didn't realize until about 7 months out of it. That being known I don't shy away from the truth of what I know. I am not judging just offering a new perspective. I am always amazed at the number of people that will perpetuate the idea that a person questioning a specific behavior is the crazy one or they are reaching or telling a one-sided situation. Stop judging.
I am not an expert on the subject of domestic violence. I am an expert on being involved in a domestic violence lifestyle. Next up, verbal abuse. First, I wasn't raised in a family, immediate or extended, that involved us in calling names or even talking down to another person. Even now as adults, we are complimentary or we live by the tenant, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. I have been around other families who speak sideways to each other. They call each other names and never say anything nice to each other. That is such a foreign thing to me so recognizing verbal abuse is easy. Labeling it as abusive is a new thing but realizing it was not a good thing is something that may be engrained into my DNA. Here goes a quick list, of sorts.
If you are with someone that doesn't see the harm in calling you out of your name then they may be abusive. Being called the b word, the c word, a p.o.s. or anything else that is meant to "take you down a notch" is not a thing that is done out of just anger. I have been beyond angry at different points in my life and I have not once called anyone those names. Anger doesn't make you all of a sudden hate. Hate is a long-term thing and anger is fleeting. I wish I knew that the first time I was called a piece of s. I still remember that exact moment. The intentions were to make me feel lower than the dirt under his shoes and I did, but only for a split second. I shot back I know that I am not that. This angered him further but what else could he call me that would make me feel lower. Well, in this case it wasn't a name as much as, I should have listened to everyone that told me you were a horrible person. I called after him and said oh, who said that. There were never even names given because he knew I would check back with them to find out why they would say such a thing about me. The intentions fell flat, mostly, but that 5 seconds of feeling low was more than enough for me. Name calling isn't the only way to be verbally abusive.
Imagine, taking care of a household, making sure the kids get to school, and running errands for everyone, except yourself and having a seat while dinner is cooking? Here comes the abuser to let you know that it doesn't matter what you did before sitting down but that you're sitting down makes you a lazy loser. This is verbal and mental abuse. I have shared before that many of these abuses work in tandem with each other. You really should never underestimate the lengths an abusive person will go to in order to gain complete control over their victim. The quickest way to that type of domination is to make the victim believe that they are not even capable of seeing themselves for who they are, so they need to hear from the abuser to even form a personal opinion. Insidious doesn't seem to tell the whole story at times.
Another thing that may be used by the abuser is to camouflage their abuse. Yes, the majority of the abuse is already undercover but at lot of times there is the trick of hiding the medicine in the sugar or embedding the put down in a smoke screen. That would be by telling a joke that really isn't a joke but a way to put down the victim in public while seeming to be funny. Yes, they are such a blond sometimes, seems like a little joke but it could be the work up to them saying something more damaging like, oh I wouldn't eat that if I were you, this is the worse dish they make. It is the buildup and taking the victim off guard that makes these so effective. Because the abuser is only joking, the victim can giggle along and not be affected. Except it is a mental and psychological abuse so in the victims mind they are actually trying to figure out why their person said that and if it is true and do, they really feel that way and how can it be corrected. The victim is on the right road to receiving more abuse without even knowing what truly just happened. Just a little thought.
Once again, I am not an expert in domestic violence and the various abuses, but I am an expert in being involved in domestic violence. Nothing I speak of is conjecture, it is all based in the basic knowledge of what I know to be true. I just want to help at least one person. If that person is you then welcome to the road of recovery. Welcome to healing from the horrible atrocities down by a person that has no self-awareness or true humanity. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your story.
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