Keep It Sybil

So they always say that death comes in threes and that has just become true for me. I am thankful that it hasn't really been anyone that I personally knew it has only been those that are related to people I know and care about. Life is short so make the most of it that you can and be a good person and a righteous Christian.

I am facing my fears head-on. I am moving in the direction of becoming a fearless female. I am tired of being afraid of doing things I would like to do to make me happy. I am over that because I have things to do, places to go and people to see. That doesn't happen when a person is afraid. I went to a lecture yesterday that gave me such great advice on pursuing a field that I have been interested in for a few years but I always had an excuse for not doing it. Either it was not the right time for me to do it or I didn't know how to begin or get involved or make a demo or get clients. Well, I am over that and moving full steam ahead. The lecturer of that class, Mike gave pros and cons to the business. One of the cons was that the person in the mirror is the person that is keeping you for pursuing this field or any other field. I knew this deep down and it's funny because I always tell my friends and family that they should figure out what makes them happy, by themselv...

Yesterday I had a conversation with one of my cousins that quite frankly concerned me a bit. I would like to say that on a general basis I am open to hear what other people have to say. I am pretty much an open book. Now that's not to say that there aren't things that I keep to myself. The things I keep to myself are the things that I don't feel like I need any feedback on from anyone. So this leads me to my conversation with my beautiful, wonderful, kind, sweet, nice, talented, smart cousin! She really is all of those things but her behavior has led me to believe that she has no idea that she is any of these things. In fact she is currently behaving as though she is none of those things. It hurts me to know that a person as charming as her has no idea what she has to offer to another person. She has lost herself in an idea that may not be realistic for who she is. My reality is not anyone else's reality and I don't live my life as such. I have another cous...

Bold or arrogant disregard of normal circumstances is the definition of audacity. For me this means that when a person is out rightly going against what is proper means that they are audacious. It's generally not a good thing if someone says to you the audacity of you to do. . .! Well, based on the definition, to be audacious is not always a bad thing. Now it is certainly audacious for someone to act as though they have the ultimate power of say like their boss. You know it is audacious of the underling to throw around orders and give attitude to people that are not under them. The audacity of that person to think that they should take this upon themselves. It just makes me want to pull out my hair. Now our beautiful President, Barack Obama, wrote a book entitled The Audacity of Hope. This is a good type of audacity. Hope, in and of itself, is going against the grain or against the normal expectations. The audacity of hope is then the type of audacious behavior we should...

I woke up this morning with my mind on Jesus. I really appreciate the distance in which He has brought me. And I know that He is by my side if I allow Him to be. Because of the Word, I know that I will never be able to pay Him back for the blessings He has placed upon me. This concept is what got me thinking this morning about people that can never be paid back. First of all in the Manual it tells us that we as Christians, should owe no man anything but love. That being said, as a person I think there are some people who want to figure out a way to pay other people back for their generosity towards us. That is often times an impossibility. A mother is a person that will never be able to receive payment for all that she has done. Even if the only thing she has done is to birth her child and then give the child to a family that will give it the love that she is unable to give it. How can you pay back a person for something like that? There is nothing that can be paid. A father ...

Today I had an interesting texting conversation after I had a telephone conversation with someone else. What I realized during the telephone conversation, is that I have rarely let people in. I haven't allowed a whole lot of people into the story that is my life. After the texting conversation, I realized that part of the reason I haven't let some people in is because they just didn't deserve to be let in. I have let a few people in. The people that I felt would be accepting of the person that I am. One of the big personalities that I have let in has let me be who I am. Shoot, they have helped in allowing me to become who I am today. They took the time to find out what I wanted in life and then help nurture the dream with me. I don't mind sharing this part of who I am when the other person wants to be involved in knowing the real me. However, during the text conversation, I realized that I am protective over myself but I am also very aware of the other person....

When I was a child I saw what responsibility looked like. My parents would do what they needed to do in order to be responsible for their children. This makes me wonder, why is it that parents now are not as responsible? Now as a parent myself, I understand the need to have time alone or with out your children all of the time. This is fine and reasonable . Now the responsible parent will make sure the child has proper supervision when they take this time alone. An irresponsible parent will stick there children in front of a television and give them some fast food. This is not an okay situation. This is not a responsible parent at all. There are also the parents that expect other people to do more for their child than they do. It is not the teachers job to discipline your child. A teacher is there to educate your child. The discipline of a child is something that must be done at home. At home is the place where you give a child the know how and the courage to survive in life ...

I am not sure what is going on with me. I have so many different thoughts in my head on a daily basis. There are people that I really love in my life that have begun to bother me a bit. I know it is not necessarily because of them but because of the change that I am going through in my own life. I have to move on from the stage of being afraid of making the next move. I know that I have been afraid of the judgement of other people and now I don't want to hurt any one's feelings but I don't really care so much what other people think about me anymore. I know this is going to help me get on a different level. The question at hand is then, what is the next level? I know that it is one that happens on a spiritual level first and that is why I have the guts to now go on by myself if need be. Which makes me think about a song that my mother sings and the words go like this: I'll go if I have to go by myself, I'll go if I have to go by myself. Send me I'll go. ...

Coming to terms with the past will help you to move on with your present. A lot of times, people want to act as though the past doesn't exist anymore. Not talking about it does not mean it goes away. This mind state has gotten us, as a people, nowhere. We have accomplished nothing except alienating the generations to come. By pretending that what was never was, the next generations are unable to see where they have come from. As a teenager I would go out with my friends and hang out and there were more likely than not, some things that I should not have done. I was a teen mother so there were definitely things that I should not have been doing. But, if I act like that wasn't anything that I did as a teenager then my teenagers are going to begin to feel a certain way about me because I am a hypocrite. This is not to say that I condone my behavior, but because I lived it I can talk about it and lead the next generation towards making a different decision. A decision that...

Well today is the beginning. I guess one would wonder, what is it the beginning of? Well, that is actually a hard question to answer. This is the first day of my ten day fast--the Daniels fast. Daniel fasted from eating food from the king's table. What this meant was that Daniel felt that the food being served by the king was being more harmful than it was healthy. So he took the opportunity to eat only of the land. For the 10 days he only ate things that grew straight from the ground. No meat or seafood or any dairy products. Then Daniel said to the king, when the 10 days are over I will be healthier and look better. Daniel layed down the challenge and he knew that God was going to deliver what He was being asked for. So this is most of the answer to the question of what is this the beginning of. This is the beginning of the fact that I know what I ask for will be what I receive, on one condition of course. That condition is that I stick to the fast and pray and have the...

Last semester of school, one of my teachers clarified something for me. I have always heard the old adage that misery loves company. The class I was in was my abnormal psychology class and what he did was make a small amendment to the adage. I have realized what he said is true. He said, misery loves miserable company. Misery doesn't want the type of company that is happy and uplifting. They don't want company that will try and help them with their situations and help them find a happier way. When someone is miserable they will try to do everything that they can to bring other people down to their level. I like to believe in the good of other people so I think a lot of the time these miserable people are not making a conscience effort to bring other people down. But I am also not as naive as to believe that everybody that is miserable is making this choice with out knowing what they are doing. I know people that are miserable in their lives and they will do all they can...

This is to all ya'll good church going people, talking about folks and don't be living right ya'll self. Lord they really think they foolin' you by coming to church on Sunday, praying then layin' hands on folks, stompin' and jumpin' around, fakin' the Holy Ghost. But there's a thin line between walkin' it and talkin' it and livin' it and givin' it and just pretendin' it's alright. And do they really think they gonna pull the wool over Your eyes Lord do they really think that by fakin' they were saved that they would get the same reward? And after this a lot of folks won't like me no more but after this I've gotta go answer to You Lord! So I made up my mind Imma go to church on Sunday and sing a song that may hurt somebody's feelings so that maybe the will will be done on earth as it is in heaven and I hopefully they willl see how much they really be discouragin' a little ol' sinner like me. Lordy wh...

Love is truly one of the most beautiful things in the world. That is when it is at it's truest form. There are things that true love will let you do and then there are things that true love will not let you do. This goes for both romantic and non-romantic types of love. Love will let you realize your dreams. Love will allow you the opportunity to soar while it gives you the wind beneath your wings to help you fly. Love does what is right for itself because it knows that that is the beginning of the truth in any relationship--being who you really are. Love will allow you the time you request and require for your well being. Love will tell you the truth. Love will support your dreams. What love doesn't do is lies to you. Love doesn't make you hurt. Love doesn't make you feel bad about yourself. Love does not let you think the wrong thing is the right thing. Love is not a selfish thing. Love does not allow you to be boastful and bragadocious. Love does not let...

During the day I have so many thoughts that go through my head. Depending on what I read and to whom I speak, some of those things really stay in my head and I have a much longer time to think about it. The thing on my mind right now is that it's funny how people behave when they know that they shouldn't really be doing something. I know personally, when I used to want to talk about a situation but didn't want that person to really know what I was doing then I would talk in circles. I would tell part of the story so that they would have no idea as to the other parts of the story. Or I would talk about another person and only tell the good stuff because I knew that my friends would know this wasn't a great situation and would try to talk me out of wasting my time with that person. This is called lying by omission really! What I do now is just keep my business to myself unless I am willing to tell the whole story. But what I have realized is that there are less peop...

Previously I spoke of the fruits of the flesh. This posting will be about what a Christian should strive towards. This will be about the fruits of the spirit. These are the things that the Manual have instructed that we as believers of the Word should add unto our lives. Galatians 5:22-26 NKJV But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering,kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. against such there is no law. And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another. As the fruits of the flesh will become your downfall as a Christian, the fruits of the Spirit will lead you to your Heavenly home. There is really nothing new under the heavens and everything that you would like to find the answer to is given in the Manual.

As I am in the middle of my fast, I have come to realize that I am like the apostle Paul. He said that he finds himself doing what he knows he shouldn't do and not doing the things he should. This is certainly a description of my life and that is fine as I find myself in good company. During the time of fasting you are supposed to pray along with the fast to bring about a change. Fasting is not about just giving up food it's also about bringing your body under subjection. Deny the flesh so that the spiritual being can get stronger. The good thing is that you don't have to wonder what the flesh wants because the Manual lets you know. Galatians 5:19-21 NKJV Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanliness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which is tell you before hand, just as I also told...

Well, about six months or so ago, I was having a conversation with a friend. The conversation got a little heated but there were no ill-words traded, necessarily. There were a few things that came out but they were not all that bad at the end of the day. We are both a little stubborn though. Because both of us felt as though we may have said and heard somethings we didn't want to say or hear we took a step back. What really happened is that our friendship would suffer from this little falling out. We would occasionally send a text message to each other but we weren't hanging out with each other as we used to do--prior to the conversation. Then a few days ago, I couldn't stop thinking about him. So, when I can't get a person off of mind I always try to check up on them to make sure that they are okay. For me it doesn't really matter what the status of our relationship is, there has to be a reason that I have these thoughts about the person. So what I did was ...

I am so inspired by the song My Soul is Anchored. I really love the version as sung by Trin-i-tee 5:7. It's just something about those young ladies and their spirit. I feel like they are singing specifically to my situations in life. Like the Bible says my issues of life. I realize that some times in this life we are going to be tossed by the waves and currents because the storms keep raging. The words also say that the hope within is reassured as I keep my eyes on the distant shore, I know He will lead me to that blessed place he has prepared. But if that storm don't cease. And the winds keep on blowing in my life, my soul has been anchored in the Lord. As I am in truck driving I turn the radio up full blast and sing out for my praise to my saviour. As a believer in Christ, the Manual tells me that there will be ups and downs; there will be test; you will face trials and tribulations; and the good news is that the only one in control of the outcome is you. I refer to...

One of my favorite songs right now is I ain't Hearing You by Angie Stone. The first thing that pulls me in is the music. It's bouncy and 80's inspired. The 80's was a carefree time of life for me and this song makes me bounce around a bit--okay a lot. The music brings me in but the words are what keeps me interested. Angie Stone has continued to do something that many people have never done, she is a lover and supporter of black men. The beginning of the song she says, I've got a good man, even though he ain't perfect, and that sets the tone for the song. Then you get to the chorus and she lets all of her friends know that instead of listening to what they are saying, she is going straight to the source and talk to her man. The reason this is important is because a lot of times outsiders have ulterior motives. The outsider may want you to get rid of your man so they can go after him or they want to get you away from him so that you have more time to dedi...

This is a warning to myself as much as to anyone else. But this is a way to get a little perspective in my own life. What goes around comes around; you reap what you sow; you find what you're looking for; all very good sayings that apply to everyone, including me. I like many other people get involved in situations that may not be the best situation for them and they continue down that road anyway. For example, let's say I meet a guy and I know that he is seeing other women. That is fine since we are not in a monogamous relationship with each other. Well, let's say this guy is a nice guy, with a good personality and lots of other good attributes. Being the type of person that I am, I will ask a few questions about the direction this person wants to take our budding relationship; that is if the signs aren't already pointing towards the fact that this guy just wants to play the field and continue to see me and the other women. I know that I am not comfortable with that bu...

Spring is right around the corner. Actually daylight savings time is going to take place in a few days. I especially love this time of year. Spring brings so many new and beautiful things. The earth begins to get colorful and blossom into a world of loveliness. Sure tree, leaves and flowers are great but I am actually speaking about fashion. I am a shoe-a-holic. Yes, sometimes I feel like I may need to go to some sort of anonymous meeting for my issues with shoes. One of the only things that keeps me from going is the fact that right now I really can't afford the shoes I love. Now when I get to a position in life when I can have a room filled with the newest and prettiest pieces of art from Manolo Blahnik, Balenciaga, Prada, Louis Vuitton, Jimmy Choo, Gucci, YSL and all of the other wonderful designers of these lovely shoes, then I will certainly need to get some professional help. But spring time is not just about the shoes. There is also the fact that the shoes are on fu...

Thirteen years ago, one of the greatest rappers of all time died. This was a tragic thing for so many different reasons. First this was a seemingly, random act of violence. Then there was the children, that were his children, that were left behind to be raised without their father. Next, there is the grieving family left with unanswered questions. Lastly, the void left by his lyrical prowess in the world of hip-hop. All of these things are unfortunate side effects of the death of one Christopher Wallace, b.k.a. The Notorious BIG, a.k.a. Biggie Smalls. I can still remember the day that Biggie died. It was 1997 and at that time I worked at a car rental company call center. I had a boyfriend, of sorts, and he hit me on my hip. Those times were still big for beepers and I kept my pager on my hip. So I went to use the phones cause it was weird for him to page me when he knew I was at work, he told me that Biggie was shot in California and died. I never knew him personally but I ...

I have been blessed in my life to at most points have a male friend that is no complications. My male friends and I being just friends, nothing extra just a male sounding board for me and a female sounding board for him. I really appreciate those guys, they have helped me stay out of unwanted situations or helped me to stay out of them. Thanks guys you rock hard. Now of all the reading I have done, and all of the conversations I have had with my buddies, I know one thing about guys for sure. When they tell you something, you shouldn't make up an excuse for why they would say that, or try to read in between the lines or just try to turn what they said into something that suits you better; they have said what they want you to know. A man will let you know what you are trying to find out. He will tell you either with his actual words or his actions will tell you. What that means is that when a guy tells you that he doesn't believe in marriage and doesn't see himself ever...

Congratulations to Mo'Nique on her Oscar win. Her acceptance speech is my inspiration for this blog entry. She thanked her husband, Sydney for telling her that it was better for her to do what is right instead of what is popular. That is a good man. Her husband gave her good advice and for me I always think that the a majority of the time, doing what's right means that you are going to go against what is popular. People are generally okay with going along with the herds and getting on the road that is most travelled. Sydney offered what is really the Godly advice. The word of the Lord does let us know that being a Christian is not popular and that is the way that it is supposed to be. That is the only way that the righteous can be separated from the non-believers. The popular thing to do may get you to your short-term goal or achievement but when you choose the right thing you win bigger in the long-term. I know for myself, when I make a decision that was right but agai...

For me and my life I like to read and watch television to de-stress. There is nothing better than a good magazine article, a great book or my favorite television show. I just realized this evening though, that I have so many favorite shows, I don't know how to narrow it down. On Mondays I really look forward to watching The Secret Life of the American Teenager and the new Life Unexpected. I love the teen angst. I love the way that they portray very realistic story lines. Of course I realize that a lot of the content is so fantastical, but that is what I like the melding of reality and fantasy. That group of teens on The Secret Life does not wholly remind me of my life in high school but there are certain aspects of each of their lives that remind me of my high school friends and me. The two busy bodies are so real. They are so high school because that is how it is, you hear something and then you tell someone else but some of the facts get messed up a little. I love them an...

I have been a little under the weather for the last couple of days. When I feel like this and I don't really want to leave the house I just want to lay in the bed and cuddle with myself, I can catch up on some reading. It's my addiction. During school I am really unable to do a lot of leisure reading giving the fact that I have so much to read for my classes. Well, I buy and subscribe to around 25 magazines a month, yes I know that that is a little crazy but I could have a worse addiction than to reading. Well, at any rate, I just finished reading the issue of Essence with the intelligent and beautiful Mr and Mrs Obama, better known as the President and First Lady of the United States of America. Mr. President is a very eloquent speaker and he is very passionate about education. I love that about he and his wife. They are not afraid to put forward a challenge of the pursuit of excellence. The President said sure I have more resources and aid than lots of people but the on...

I like to post something on my blog daily and I realize that I am a little tonight. The reason I'm running late is because I need to pray and get some favor and grace added into my life as soon as I possibly can. I like the saying too blessed to be stressed. The thing about that is that it comes with a few requirements. I am a Christian and I know that the blessing of favor don't just fall out of the sky. I am currently stressed about a few things in my life. I do realize this is the wrong thing for me because if I am stressed that means that I am not trusting my Leader. So the saying of too blessed to be stressed can only apply if you are actually putting your trust and faith in Him that He is able to do all things. I am writing and praying about this thing and I can feel the stress being released because I know I don't want to have this weight on my shoulders. The yoke is easy and the burden is light. I am letting my earthly troubles go so I can be spiritually fr...

I go to a barber shop to have my eyebrows arched and my kitchen cleaned up a bit. While in the barber shop there could very well be an interesting conversation going on that gives me insight into the male mind. It is so different from the female point of view for sure. The topic of conversation my last visit to the barber shop was about a good or bad girlfriend. The model, according to the guys in the shop, is Melanie on the television show, The Game. They were so adamant about the fact that they felt that she was a very bad girlfriend. I said geesh, she gave up going to one of the most prestigious medical schools in the country. She also caused almost irreversible damage to her relationship with her parents. She also put the needs of his team first by joining the charity leg of the organization even though she initially did not want to do it. According to these gentlemen, she was a bad girlfriend. I asked what are you basing this upon and they said because she slept with her E...

Over the past few months I have been faced with an interesting dilemma. I have a few friends that I have been friends with for a while. I may have written before about the fact that they have pretty much stopped speaking to me with the exception of the occasional text message or friend requests on facebook. My issue is rather or not I should try to mend our fences? I know that everything happens for a reason and that there are seasons for everything including people. Lately I have missed the relationship that I had with these few people but at the same time with the absence of the relationships I realize that the only thing that has changed is them not being around. My life is not any less fulfilled or exciting than when we were friends. I haven't had terrible things happen in their absence and I haven't lost anything else. Does this mean the season has set on these people and I should continue to cultivate the new friendships? I know for a fact that I will keep moving i...

Yesterday was a day packed with work for me. It was also the 60th day of the year 2010. I am not sure why that is significant but it feels to me like it may have been. Yesterday was also the first day of the third month. I think the significance is the fact that I am a numbers person. Most of my day is surrounded by counting and adding and subtracting and not because I am taking a math class or anything like that. I just feel that there is no way to survive if you can't deal with numbers. Of all of the subjects I have taken in school the one that is the most useful and the one that you must hold on to the most is what you learned in your mathematics class. I was however so bogged down with my Spanish work yesterday. I think I may have to move to a Spanish speaking country so that I can really learn to speak because I am getting a proper butt cutting right now.