Keep It Sybil

It's been a while since I have made a confession so here it is.  This one is hard for me to speak but I know the only way to deal is to make it real so it can be put down.  First of all I need to say that you never know how you will react to a situation until you are faced head on with that situation.  You can say how you would like to react or how you would hope to react but, there's nothing like the reality of the situation slapping you in your face.  Just by nature I am very optimistic.  That being said I am also idealistic and realistic.  Everything can have a positive spin.  Even when you think all hope is gone there is positivity to be had.  Four years ago my house caught fire and I lost maybe 75% of my things.  I was never sad about it because there were things I was holding onto to that kept me in my past.  Well, going forward is hard when you have the past staring you down everyday.  I lost plenty but I actually gained mo...

Recently, in the past two weeks or so my oldest son had a former classmate kill himself.  Then I find out that I've of the young man's friends was supposed to go over and talk with him about his life.  That friend had a last minute situation and decided he would go another time.  That time never arrived, the young man shot himself in the head.  It got me thinking about our connection to others. I know several people who would rather not get involved or hear too much about others issues.  The only problem with that is that none of us know what type of impact we have on others lives.  You can have either a negative or a positive impact without even realizing.  Keeping that in mind, I try to smile at people I make eye contact with and speak kindly to all.  I don't want my cruelty to be the straw that broke someone.  For me, a small gesture is a big deal. I wholeheartedly believe that once a person has gotten deep enough in that pit that would ...

If you're happy and you know it...!  When my oldest son checks up on me he usually didn't ask me how I am doing.  He goes a step beyond that and asks me if I am happy.  He doesn't even understand how that makes my day because it is a question based truly in concern. How are you? It's not an inconsiderate question but it is a generic of obligatory one that begs the same type of response.  Once the person hard answered you really don't have a true sense of their well-being.  If the person is depressed or sad and had decided to harm themself or another, after being asked that question you may not get how lonely or desperate they are because that person has come to terms with their situation and it's fine.  Now, ask that same person if they are happy and you have gone a bit further. Today I was asked if I was happy and my response was that I am happy with many parts of my life and then I had a couple of areas that I have to work harder on.  I have abso...

There is a show that I watch called, Last Man Standing.  It is a bit controversial in the political tone at times but overall it's a funny show.  Well the last episode I saw got me thinking.  In this episode the boyfriend of one of three daughters, is campaigning to have their sons school name changed.  He feels that because the man was a slave owner his contributions to American history are voided.  That is what made me think. Are we the sum of all of our actions?  When we make a mistake there is always someone around that will remind you of your faux pas.  That same person or even another is very rarely there when you do something good. In fact, there usually isn't anyone around that is going to remind you of the good. Maybe it's the type of mistake we made?  If there is a person that rescues animals, has adopted children and had a charity for abused kids, but on their off time, they are a serial killer.  Can the good every outweigh the ...

I know that my beliefs are what would be considered old school.  I probably would have fared well being born in much earlier decade than the seventies.  Others may find issue with that but me, I have accepted it; well, almost 100%. The husband is the head of the household.  Yes, yes, yes, this is how I live my life.  Along with this position a few things must be accomplished.  As three head, the man must protect his family. Sure this could mean protect them from the mean cold world.  He may have a gun or a large dog or an state of the art alarm system to ensure his families protection.  Protection however isn't just s physical thing.  Protection carries the implications that if any aspect of the family is threatened, the husband, the head will take care of it. A family member is taking slick about the wife and saying how they may have been in the past.  The protector should step in and completely remove any discussion of the past or negati...

I have been having an overload of emotions in the past few weeks.  I am not sure who to talk to though because I feel as well as told that no one really wants to hear about a person's emotional issues.  Personally, I like to hear of people's emotional struggles because it gives insight into the personality of that person. If you meet a person that had been raped but you hadn't heard their story, you would not understand why they make such a fuss about being put out of the car directly in front of their destination.  You probably look at them as being difficult or too lazy to walk the couple of blocks from the garage.  Once you know they were grabbed as they walked two blocks and brutally raped, only then are you able to sympathize.  You may wonder why a person doesn't laugh, smile, cry or show any type of emotion except anger until you hear their story.  The only emotion ever shown was anger and all others were looked at as a weakness.  Without heari...

Ok so here's a thought, when a man or woman hires a sex worker, there are reports that day the ones that want to be completely dominated have to make so many decisions otherwise.  The same would be in reverse, they ones that have to be in complete control have no control over their lives.  This made me think about the behaviors of people. The loudest person in the place is trying to be heard because in their personal life they don't feel as though they are being heard.  I look at this sort of thing and feel compassionate towards that person's situation.  I know that every body has the basic need to be heard.  It gives validation and that is a basic necessity.  Now once you understand this tenent you can deal with that person accordingly.  It's not to say that you give the loud mouthed person on the side, a pass but you give them a little understanding.  Sympathize a bit before you go directly to trying to break them down.  Maybe you can eve...

I just returned hinge from my cousin's fortieth birthday party.  She looked beautiful and exemplifies the new forty. Forty doesn't look like it used to. I saw several people that I haven't seen in at least a year.  The compliments were flowing and a good time was being had by all.  It made me remember something that one of my cousins said to me before, she told me that guys always hit on me I just don't pay attention.  After tonight and the compliments it made me wonder, where is the line of a compliment and flirting? I notice if some chick is flirting with my manso those signs I have no problem seeing.  If she had her head tilted and speaking soft that is flirting with my man.  If she slightly grazes his arm that is flirting.  If she puts one leg behind the other while standing and talking, she is flirting.  Tossing her hair and giggling, is all flirting.  Now how do guys flirt with a woman? I suppose that I will remain oblivious to a man...

I frequently watch the Steve Harvey talk show.  On the show he may highlight a person that had done something powerful for someone else.  He calls them, Harvey's heroes.  I get misty eyed a lot over their stories.  I had to look inside of myself and figure out why. Finally, the answer comes to me that the reason it pulled on my heart strings was because of my shortcomings.  There was a time, not that long ago, when I did lots for other people.  I volunteered at a thrift store, taught a children's Sunday school class, taught a new members class and gave freely anything else I had.  There were no worries. Doing for others felt great.  I knew that God would take care of me as long as I blessed others through my blessing.  Unfortunately, life had taken over completely.  Will I be cursed to receive no more blessings? God knows my heart and I want to get back to being an asset to my community.  I know I have a blessed life and I don't e...

Once you have gotten to a particular age, you are sure to have lived and experienced lots of things, in your past.  Sure, the things you went through are what has gotten you to where you currently are.  I would not have been the person I am today if I didn't go through the good and bad things of my past.  Then what do you let go of the past in order to live for now and have the future that you desire? I have children from a relationship that was, for lack of a better description, a colossal fail.  That is not to say that having my children was a bad thing it is just to say that up to the point of having them, my decisions, good or bad gave me new knowledge and two beautiful little babies.  In this case, I didn't want to leave the kids in the past but the treatment received in the relationship and the way that I felt about myself that allowed me to accept this treatment is what is left behind.  The lesson was learned and that was great but I couldn't bring...

If we are Facebook friends you should have an idea of what is on my mind today.  When do you know the time is right for you to give up?  This got a few people talking and giving me their straight thoughts on this subject. To give up, in my mind, means that you have admitted defeat and you are tapping out.  That being said, I am the type of person that will be relentless in my pursuit of most things.  Knowledge of any even the small things is a great tool, always.  The comments received on my page today were all well thought out and each had s good point.  Here is the summary of that conversation. You should never give up.  This doesn't mean that at some point you will need to take a different tack.  You may have to examine then reexamine then dissect and examine again what it is that you are trying to attain.  I really liked that piece of information because it helped me realize that I am that person. Being that type of person is what has ...

It is a pretty well known fact that I love reality shows.   It is also a pretty well known fact that nothing makes me more mad than to see a bunch of seemingly reasonable black women on television cutting up and acting as though they have no home training.  That being said, one of my cousins turned me on to a new reality show.  The show is called, Blood, Sweat and Heels. It follows around a group of black women in New York City and they all appear to be business women.  After watching the first episode there hasn't been any fighting per se so I will continue to watch. First thing I wondered while watching this show is, who are these women?  With the exception of Melyssa Ford and Demetria L. Brown I had no idea who these women were.  That is not to take away any of their accomplishments because that is never a goal of mine and that brings me to my next issue.  Will these women be a positive force in each other's lives or will they do what the med...

So I was poised the question, "when do you introduce your family to your boyfriend/girlfriend"?  Immediately I thought wow that is a loaded question.  Relationships have ended because of the answers to this question.  Of course I have an answer though. There used to be a time,a long long time ago before everyone began living there lives through social media, where you only introduced those that were significant in your life.  You are with this person that you are moving in the direction of making a lifetime commitment with.  They would be the only person that met the family because eventually, they would become a part of that family. Well, as I already said, that was a long time ago.  Now fast forward to modern times.  First, these are the days were being Facebook official is some people's goal.  The mind state is that if the person is telling Facebook they are telling the world.  Then the family can learn of the "relationship"on the timeli...

I have a 16 week old baby boy, Jordan Tol Holmes.  He is adorable, funny, smart has a beautiful smile and a cute little giggle.  On the flip side, he has a great pair of lungs on him also.  In general, Jordan isn't much of a crier but when he is in need of sleep, he can really get those lungs aired out.  Now given the fact that if he needs sleep, I too need sleep at which time I also may shed a few tears or two.  That being said, what in the heck is wrong with these crazy bastards in the world that would do anything to hurt a child?  It seems like an epidemic of sorts. Now all of what I am going to talk about is current news from around these here United States of America.  I am so sick of seeing the adults that have done something sexual to a child  A child should not know anything of sex and this sickos are placing them in adult situations.  There is the woman that worked atseveral different daycare and would tape the sexual acts per...

I just watched, 12 Years a Slave and The Butler.  About a week and a half ago I watched Fruitvale Station.  Possible spoiler alert, if you haven't seen these three movies, ahead.  First thing that I must make mention off is the fact that one movie is set during slavery in the early 1800's, the second follows a boy to adulthood starting about seventy years after slavery "ended"and the last one in modern times. All the are based on true stories. I love a good movie.  I love the subject of history.  A movie that is based in history and it's good, I am basically hooked from the beginning.  That being said, when those movies have to do with race relations I am sitting on the fence.  Just because of the fact that these types of movies remind me that, the more things change, the more they stay the same. 12 Years a Slave had the main character being kidnapped then sold into slavery.  We all know this story right? The white people feel they are better th...

There's no one in the world like a black man.  I love everything about them.  I love the many shades of them.  I love the intensity of their stare.  I love the way they smile.  I love the way they speak.  I love absolutely every thing about them. The black man has a way of showing themselves without exposing themselves. They have a way of having two different emotions that just so happen to be complete opposites.  I am writing this on the heels of watching couple's therapy on VH1.  Ghostface Killa did everything that reminded of this quality.  He went to the therapy because he feels "something" for his girlfriend.  Meanwhile, he is acting like this is such an imposition.  What do you do, take the actions over the denigrating words? Well, I read a quote that said "actions are who a person is, words are who they want to be".  Different choices for different folks. I call this being overly emotional.  If you can portray two...

The big news right now seems to be that Robin Roberts came out as being a lesbian.  I am not sure why there is still so much controversy over a person being gay in these times.  Those who are talking about it seem to be coming from one of two angles; religion or the amount of time the person was"in the closet". The religious nuts are always so quick to talk about what an abomination, or how much God dislikes homosexuality, they speak about it like it's "the great sin".  So now these people that used to like her, the ones that honored her for her courage in fighting her rare disease are suddenly unable to have anything to do with her.  Yes that is the Christian thing to do--not! Judge not lest you be judged. Homosexuality is not the great sin.  It is not weighted heavier than say, telling a lie.  Before my husband and I got married, we lived together and we are not doomed to hell for eternity.  All sin is forgivable if asked.   At least tha...

This past year has been an eventful one.  Some may not have been great but one thing is for sure, they all taught me a lesson.  I move forward into this year with more life experience. At the age of 37, with a 20, 17, 14 and 7 year old children, I realize that I am pregnant.  This would be a joyous time for most and in fact it was a very happy moment for me albeit surprising.  It was also very scary for me.  Only two other people know this but my spirit knew that if I were to get pregnant while my dad was so sick that it was my warning that he would soon pass on to live with his heavenly father. My dad was happy to be having another grandchild.  He thought it was going to be a girl until we were able to find out that it was a boy.  Jordan Tol would be his name and my dad was passed that he would have his name.  In spite of his health, my dad called me just to see how I was feeling.He called often if only for a minute.  On the morning of Ju...