Keep It Sybil

Because I am a grown woman I know what I want and what I don't want. It is always a crazy situation to me when someone tries to tell me I should do something else or stop liking what I like because they don't think it's a good idea. Well, in the past few years there have been several people who have tried to convince me of something that I can not see myself getting behind. The thing they are telling me is that I should go ahead and give up on black men. They tell me that there are no black men available. They tell me that there aren't any more black men that what to be with a black woman. They tell me that there aren't any good black men left. All of these are untruths. Hearing other black men and also black women say these things are very upsetting to me. Black men are just like white men, Chinese men, African men and any other man--there are good ones and bad ones. I am not so naive as to think that just because I have met a black man and things don't...

As I prepare to attend the wedding of a friend it made me wonder about marriage. I have yet to be married but I know several people that are married. From the outside some of those marriages appear to be happy and some appear to be unhappy. One thing I know for sure is that you can't judge a book by it's cover and when you are on the outside looking in, the full story is never what you get. Weddings are always so nice and beautiful and people are in a great mood while the services are going on. So much time goes into planning a wedding but not much time into planning the marriage. The situation is done in reverse. Once the question is asked, and the person says yes then the wedding should be quick. The part that should be planned is the marriage. There are so many questions that go unanswered prior to a wedding. Then once they are at the end of honeymoon and time to get to real life the questions remain without the answers. Some unanswered questions: 1. How are the b...

I am an observer of people. I like to watch others and see what they are doing and figure out a few things that may be going on in their lives. I like to analyze situations and figure out how to resolve any bad situations. Well, good or bad, I want to know as much information as possible. I know that if you could get into a situation you can get out of a situation. In the past few years, I have realized that there are a great number of people who exhibit cowardice behavior on a regular basis. The definition of coward is: a person who lacks courage in facing danger, difficulty, opposition, pain, etc. Now that we all know what makes a person a coward; this is what I have seen in the past few years. I have seen a lot of people who are unwilling to speak up in an undesirable situation. I know so many people that are in relationships--husband/wife, girlfriend/boyfriend, employee/employer and they are afraid to speak up. What I don't understand about these types of people is that...

After watching, "Let's Talk About Pep", earlier in the week it got me thinking about her situation. She meets a man that seemingly has good manners and is gainfully employed, he is good-looking and he finds her attractive and he likes her personality. They have a lot in common because of the business they are both in and the have some people in common. Well, the fact that he is kind of cool with Treach, Peps ex-husband, seemed to be a bit of a turn-off for her. Peps friends were split on whether dating the friend of an ex should be off-limits. The statistics are everywhere and it's no surprise that black women are not getting married and a good percentage of black men are in jail, gay or otherwise engaged in a relationship already. Given this information when is a friend/associate too close to home? The adage, birds of a feather flock together, has become a saying based on the fact that it has some validity. This means that if you were involved in with a person ...

Friendship is a special and rare thing. It's not always easy to trust and allow someone to come into your personal circle. This being said, why do so many people thing it is wrong to remain friends with an ex? If you were in a relationship with someone and there was genuine love that doesn't just disappear. Your significant other is usually your best friend. That person knows your fears and they know what makes you smile. They have seen you at your best and at your worst. They know some of your secrets and they have continued to keep those secrets. And the same is in the reverse. Just because a romantic relationship has failed does that mean that a true friendship can't work? Of course the pain of the breakup has to subside and there must be a few ground rules laid down but, once these things have been established a friendship should not be overlooked. Already this is a person that knows so much about you that they may be able to help shed light on situations that...

"Calm down it's just music" as Cam'ron said. This is such a true statement especially as of late. With the popularity of blogging and tabloids and magazines, everyone has something overly negative to say about the rich and famous. The problem with this is that there are so many people who seemingly have nothing better to do than "analyze" things that were not meant to be analyzed for anything deep. Case and point, the obsession of "famous" couples and their relationship. When a couple doesn't talk about their relationship, then they have something to hide. They must be keeping a lot of skeletons in their closet being as they are unwilling to show their hand. Then if they are a little more public about their relationship, then it's time to get the body-language experts on the pictures. Now the pictures are telling a story that may possibly be an untrue depiction of what is happening; because I know from personal experience, pictures d...

I always say that there has to be a physical attraction first and foremost. That was all I thought was important when I was younger. As I got older I realized that other factors played a part in being truly attracted to someone. Looks really aren't everything. Ten years ago, if asked, I had a definite type. The type of man that I wanted to be with had a short list. I wanted him to be a dark-skinned black man. He needed to be at least 6 feet tall. Not too skinny please, if he looked like he could play any position on a major league football team then that was a plus. He could not be more than 5 years older or younger than I was. That was basically the list. In the last 5 or 6 years, that list has changed dramatically. Now my type of man has a longer list. I want him to be a black man. He also needs to be taller than I am. I still don't want him to be too skinny, I need a little meat on the bone. A good sense of humor is a must. Plus he must be kind, giving and sha...

A little while ago I had a very interesting conversation with one of my bff's. We spoke of strengths and weaknesses. He was a firm believer in always going with your strengths while letting the weaknesses go unnoticed. I wasn't sure what my stance was pertaining to either of these issues. He said you should know what your strengths are. Once you know what you are strong in then don't be afraid to let other people know that you are good at that thing. Stick to highlighting whatever your strengths are and don't let anybody else forget that you are good at that thing. I said oh I never thought about it that way. I don't want to seem like I'm big headed or being snotty about anything so I generally won't speak about my strengths. I would not, previous to our conversation, say that I am a good. . . or, that I can do. . . well. After the conversation with him I realized that it was okay to say what you are good at and that doesn't make you a certain kin...

Discourteous, unmannerly; this is one of the definitions of the word rude. Rudeness may be a subjective thing in some cases. However, there are universally some actions that are universally rude. After having a conversation, with a family member, earlier in the day it got me thinking about what are some of the things that I would consider rude?!?! Here is my partial list of rude things: 1. Talking loudly on the phone while someone else is trying to talk to you in person. 2. Ignoring a person that is blatantly trying to get your attention. 3. Talking with your mouth full. 4. Walking into a room and not speaking. 5. Not speaking back to someone who is speaking to you. 6. Calling someone out of their name. 7. Speaking loudly in a movie theater. 8. Using your phone to text or your smartphones during a movie. 9. Asking a stranger their age. 10. Asking a stranger their weight. 11. Asking a stranger their height. 12. Staring at a person. 13. Sticking your tongue out at a person. 1...

There is no such thing as perfection. People with the ability to reason, realizes that there is no such thing as perfect. Theres no such thing as a perfect job, a perfect food, a perfect outfit, a perfect song, or a perfect mate. Then why is it that people still pass on just right for them, to find perfection? Someone could have a job that is working for them. They are making nice money and people like her on the job and she does her job well but this is not enough for that person. They have to look at someone else making more money and start thinking that is the job for me. The problem is that they don't have any training for that job. They have no idea how to do that other person's job but that's the perfect job for them. No it isn't because you are equipped to handle that job. So this person goes and quits the current job and apply for the inappropriate job. Guess what, they don't ever get that job because the previous job was the job that was just righ...

I just heard the greatest story. There was a young man that was having hard times. So what this young man decided he was going to do was to go and rob a bank. So, he goes through with his plan and manages to rob the bank of $6000. He gets caught, they almost always do, and he gets one year for every thousand. So that's 6 years in jail. Well here is the lesson, he used an antique gun that was something like 75 years old. The gun was a collector's item and worth $100,000. This young man lost out on 6 years of his life and $100,000 because he had no idea what he had in his possession. If you are a believer in God; you believe the words of the Bible then you know that everyone has been given a measure of faith and a gift. There are so many that don't exercise either! There are people that choose not to have faith. It's hard for some to move without seeing the manifestation first. Then there are also those whom have no idea what their gift is; they have no desire ...

10 years ago I was a very different person than I am now. As I sit here and think about the way I used to be, I am thankful that the Lord has made a way. My 20's were a time of insecurities and feeling unsure. Boy am I glad that those days are over. I'm not going to say that the day I turned 30 my life completely changed but it's not so far from reality. The weekend of my 30th birthday my friends and boyfriend(at that time) threw me a birthday party. It was at Chuckee Cheeses and we played like kids and had a good time. This was a reminder to me that letting your inner child out, every once in a while, is good for the soul. When do we begin to get so far away from the things that made us smile and laugh when we were children. That's not to say that you think like a child; you just remember that everything is not so serious. You can watch a funny movie and go to an amusement park and ride the scary rides until you cry. Where is it written that once you get to a ...

Self-esteem is a strange thing. It is supposed to be all about the way you feel about yourself. Well the problem is that a lot of the time the way that we feel about our selves is based on other people's reaction to you. I have found that in general, that a person who has received a certain amount of praise and encouragement, their self-esteem is pretty good. Now this begs the question, did the way that that person felt about themselves lead to the praise and encouragement, or did the praise and encouragement lead to higher self-esteem? I am not really sure how to find the answer to a question like that because what is the gauge of high self-esteem? The only question that can be asked and answered in this situation is, how does someone gain or raise their self-esteem? The answer will vary from person-to-person but the fundamentals will remain the same. The first thing that needs to be done is the person with low self-esteem has to silence all of the outer voices they are hear...

According to the Manual this is the definition of love; Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. This would be a perfect type of love. Well, as a human there are no perfect beings except for God. Love is however, like everything else, just because you will never achieve perfection doesn't mean that you shouldn't strive for an earthly version. Love suffers long and is kind. This means that love comes through the hard times and even though it does it is still kind. Love is not cruel when times get rough. Love does not envy is a pretty straightforward one. If you are in a relationship that seems to breed jealousy and envy, then this is not love it is probably lust and/or obsession. That never ends up in a happy place. Now this one could be a hard one in th...

With all of the things that are going on in the world, it is always interesting when someone says that it makes them question their faith. How is it that you or someone that you know, or maybe you don't even know them, going through trials or tribulations makes you question whether or not you should continue to have faith in God? The Bible tells us that there will be ups and downs. Having faith in God and being a believer and follower of the word does not lead to all roses and cotton candy fun. In fact it is just the opposite. Being a believer means that you will face all sorts of trials. You will end up in a mess! But the reason for the mess is so that you can be a part of the message. It is during those times that you should hold closer to your faith. The Lord is, or should be your comforter, your peace in the eye of the storm. He is not Santa Clause so he is not alive to grant you your every wish. As a matter of fact, He needs a few things from you first. The Word tell...

Is it true what they say about mind over matter? Does the constant thought of anything, be it bad or good, draw that into your life? I don't know 100% but I do know a couple of things for sure. I am at the tail end of a sinus and ear infection. I hate being sick, it really sucks to be sick. Well, when I first felt a little nauseas the first thing I said was oh my gosh I am getting sick. Then about 4-5 days later I was fully sick. Now, had I said oh this is just a tickle in my throat or maybe I should get a saline solution or some other sinus medication and head this off before it really turns into anything, I would not be laying in my bed feeling like I can't hardly move. I know that I could have taken control over that situation if I had done one thing differently--think positively. What I have noticed is that this does not only work with my health. I had a really wonderful boyfriend for years, about 3 or 4 at that time and when things got a little hard I began speakin...

The fear of success automatically causes you to fail; so it would stand to reason that the fear of failure would cause you to succeed. Well the bad news is is that the fear of anything is always a point for failure. There is a young lady that is, by all accounts, a very talented person. She has choosen to follow her heart and do what makes her soul smile. The problem being that she really hasn't actively followed through. There have been some wins and there have been some losses; but who hasn't experienced both of those things? After years of living at the status quo she decided to figure out why there hasn't been a whole lot of advancement. With a lot of self examination the gates opened up and out came the answer. This young lady was afraid of both success and failure! Wow, this was a big revelation because it's something that seems to be two ideas that are at war with other. After a little more self-exploration the reason was apparent. Fear of success keeps ...

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  I didn't think they could take the truth.  I am not really sure why I didn't tell the truth.  I said what I thought they wanted to hear.  I just didn't say anything.  All of these are responses to why didn't you tell the truth?  The real answer is that lying is done to keep the person telling the lie from being in an uncomfortable situation. "How do you like my new outfit"?  This may be a common question that someone would answer with a lie.  The person may not like the outfit or they think that the person has many other better looking outfits but instead of telling the truth the lie comes out.  "I think it's nice".  Well this is not the truth and because the person being asked the question doesn't want to really explain what they don't like about the outfit the lie comes out. There was a young lady sitting in a coffee shop drinking a coffee.   She notices that th...

I once read what the difference is between being a single parent and being a single mom/dad. The difference is, is if the other parent participates and helps parent the child(ren), then you are a single mom/dad. No participation from the other parent means that you are a single parent. Now this made me think, what type of involvement signifies parenting? Parent is a noun and a verb. You can be a parent without actually parenting your child(ren). Sending a child support check and having not much else to do with the kid is not parenting and not being a good parent. A good parent is involved in every aspect of the child’s life. A person that is parenting and being a good parent knows things about their child that others, unless they live with the child, could not know. For instance I know from my children’s behavior if they are tired or upset; I also know if they want something by the look in their eyes. Every parent should do the best they can and realize their goals for the peo...

Okay, I am as big a conspiracy theorists as the next person. I can sniff out a racially motivated comment quickly. I know that a lot of people are not very good. This being said, I also know how to forgive and accept apologies. Doing this has afforded the opportunity to free up emotions that are useless and weighing me down. I don't know where I read it but the saying was something like when you can't forgive someone it's like you drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It is useless! It makes no sense at all. I'm not sure about anyone else, but, I have so many things going on in my life that I really don't have time to waste on unnecessary foolishness. If I can't be in the moment and be able to absorb my life and the current situation because I am worried about something bad that someone did to me, I am not of any use to myself let alone anyone else. I am on the look out for the racial things that are happening to our President just like ...

Chivalry—is it dead or is it just taking a hibernation? Then the question to ask is who is responsible for the chivalry? I know that chivalry is something that is shown to a woman by a man but what if the woman doesn’t require it and the man doesn’t voluntarily give it? Well, it’s just like everything else, without the woman there is no life. All things that are brought to life come through a woman. And the responsibility is squarely on the shoulders of women. Men do not know what you want and expect if you don’t let them know. The reason there isn’t a lot of chivalrous men around is because woman have failed to require or even expect certain things. Generally speaking, women have become too comfortable being the man. “I can take care of myself”, “I can open my own door”, “I can drive myself around”, “If I want something I can get it myself”. These may be true statements, yet they have poisoned the minds of men and women. Once again, generally speaking, men no longer know wha...

As I am in the middle of watching BET's Celebration of Gospel it has led me to remember and believe a few things. Before there were rappers with big diamonds and flashy clothes on there were gospel singers. Gospel and church is where a great deal of black people originated. Most black people can remember being dragged to church by their grandmother or their mother when they were little children. If you had parents like mine it meant that you became involved in something in your church i.e. ushering or choir. I love music so singing was the choice for me. I like plenty of others began a love for music through the songs being sung in church. I can still remember hearing the hymns of yesteryear. This brings me back to my original point which is that the gospel singers are the flashiest and gleamiest entertainers out. Now that the holy hip-hop genre is alive and poppin' these gospel artists are showing the secular artists the way.

I don’t necessarily agree with all that I hear or see on TV but there seems to be a recent controversy thanks, once again to Glenn Beck. Well, Glenn Beck has hit the nail on the head this time. As a woman of color there are a few things that shock me. I am a believer in freedom of speech. There are no moral requirements to this freedom. I am an intelligent black woman and the word nigger is one that does not apply to me. Nigger, bitch, whore, slut; none of these word are a description of who I am as a person. There are several other words that do not pertain to me as the person that I am. Both of my parents and me are American citizens. We were born in the United States of America, yet on governmental forms when asked to identify our heritage we, along with others, are forced to check African-American. Why? Is it because black people come only from Africa? Well, it stands to reason that all humanity begun in Africa. So once again it begs the question why African-American? We...

I was raised by both of my parents in a middle-class family. I say this to say that I was never at a lack for anything as I was growing up. The one thing I can remember though was seeing a pair of Nike sneakers in Foot Locker when I was 13 years old. They were white, gray and red and I fell in love with them. They cost $49 and my parents said we don’t think so. They refused to pay $50 for a pair of sneakers. Luckily it was during the month of December which meant a couple of weeks until Christmas. Guess what my present was from them? Wrong! They were not going to pay $50 for a pair of sneakers so I got $50 for a Christmas present. I got to the mall as quickly as possible. Those Nikes were on my feet later that day. It was cool to leave the tags hanging off the side during that time and it drove my parents crazy but these were the first pair of name brand sneakers I owned and I was going to wear them the way I wanted to wear them. Ironically a couple of months later, my mom b...

Friends—what exactly makes a person one? This is an age-old question that is a very hard one to answer. Can a friend be defined as someone that you are social with? Is a friend that person behind the cash register at your favorite store that offers their employee discount? Maybe a friend is the person to whom you have a conversation with at the park when you are walking your dog or playing with your kid. Are there different levels and definitions of friendship? I don’t know for sure but I do know that people come and people go. According to Webster this is the definition of Friend—one attached to another by affection or esteem; one that is not hostile. When you are younger everyone you speak to is your new friend. Since most little children talk a lot they have more friends than they can even count. As you get older your criteria for friendship becomes a little more rigorous. After I graduated from high school, I knew I only had a couple of true-blue friends. That knowledge b...

I am an avid reader. I read books in different genres and magazines that cover different topics. My guilty pleasure is reading the gossip blogs. One thing about reading so many different types of literature is that I am able to decide which publications are reliable and trustworthy and which ones are based in fiction. This makes me think about people in general and single men and women in particular. One thing that I always keep in mind as a single woman is that I am only as good as my word. If I am unable to say what I mean and mean what I say, no man will want to have anything to do with me. The same is true of the reverse. I expect to get what I give. Now this is not to say that there haven't been mistakes made along the way but I have made a good recovery.

After listening to a little Biggie today I did get inspired. The Ten Crack Commandments were so terrific I thought this could work for almost anything. Here is my ode to Biggie and clothes at the same time. It’s the ten clothes commandments I’ve been in this store for days/It made me an animal/ There are sales in this place/I wrote me a manual/A step by step booklet for you to get your clothes game on track and maybe some dope type hats/ Rule nombre uno never let no one know where your Manolos came from cause you know that shoe envy breeds jealousy especially if their shoe closet is wack you need to watch your back Number two never let them know your next move don’t you know a good price comes and goes in silence take it from your clothing highness I dun squeezed money clips with a purse by my hip Number three never trust nobody your moms will set you on up properly gassed up purchase the last skirt that matched the gray top she will be drivin in her ride and pass you right up Number...

First, I would like to say that if there is a flashback to a fashion trend and you were around to see it, then there are a few things that you must keep in mind: 1) How old were you when this trend took place? 2) If you were 9 or younger you have to modify the current trend. 3) Was it a trend you originally followed? 4) If you followed if before just skip it this time around. 5) If you don't skip it, is it an appropriate trend for your current life? Okay, once you have answered these questions and made yourself aware of the situation you have to make a choice--will you follow it or not follow it? Now, one of the trends that have come back around is the trend of leggings/tights. I was around 12 or 13 when I saw this the first time. I didn't originally follow this trend and it can be appropriate for my current life. I am not a teenager so I will not wear it the same way that it was being worn in the 80's. Leggings are not to be worn like a regular pair of pants ladies. T...

The unattractive In the year 2009 we saw an increase in the depravity of human beings. The drug presence became more prevalent in Mexico. As we all know, when there is an increase in illegal activity the collateral damage increases. This led to major players of the Mexican drug cartel either being taken down or killed. One of the most significant events came with the killing of the family of a soldier protecting the borders of Mexico. The soldier was killed during a raid and his family was then killed a few days following his funeral. This was certainly a message being sent to the government to bud out. Message received but deleted. The crimes against children also rose. Chicago became a hotbed of criminal activity towards the younger generation and in some cases brought on by the younger generation. During a holiday weekend, Chicago saw the deaths of up to 40 people. Yes, that was in one weekend! I cried when I read this information because these people honestly have no rea...

The negatives 2009 offered a few negatives. I like to watch reality shows as much as the next one but there is officially an overload of so-called reality shows. Almost every channel has a reality show of some sort. In and of its self that isn’t a negative thing. What turns it into a negative is the fact that there seems to be a boundless amount of people who are prepared to make fools of themselves. They want to act like either the village idiot or the village whore. When a person thinks this is acceptable behavior, there are all types of negatives associated with it. Now I mentioned in the positives that there was an increase in the shows that showcased plus sized women, the negative association is this—the majority of those shows were not ones that showed them as confident and sexy. A Lot to Love, it was a good shot but it missed the mark by a lot. If a woman is not allowed to celebrate her body—no matter the size, it fosters a negative image. Plus size woman can be just a...

2009 was a year filled with its ups and downs. All-in-all I am glad to see it go! On the personal note I have experienced an innumerable amount of losses which can be looked at as either good or bad. Because I am a glass half-full type of girl I will begin with the good. The Positives We saw an end to the whole Jon & Kate plus 8 foolishness. If I had to go another week hearing about how Jon was acting out against Kate because she was a cold witch, I think I may have taken a knife to the ears just for the relief. So now is the time to say goodbye to bad reality TV, hello therapy for all of those kids. Something else that reality TV has bought to us is the realization that there are bigger people in the world than those that we have historically seen on magazine covers and television and movie screens. Drop Dead Diva was a show that had a plus sized main character that loves herself, or she grew to love herself. One of my favorite new shows for the fall season. More of this i...