Keep It Sybil

This holiday has been a very good one. I had a very good time hanging out with my cousins and other family members this weekend. I truly love my family and enjoy them more now that I am older. We had tons of fun and hung out a bunch. This was terrific. It has also been a weird time for me as I have come to realize a few things about myself and life in general. First thing I realized about myself is that guys find me attractive. For years I have had a complex about whether or not people found me attractive. This holiday has shown me that I am considered attractive and the only thing keeping me from dating and being in a relationship is me. Well, that is one of the things because the other thing is the fact that there is a guy that I really like and he and I have unfinished business. We have so much history and we have a good time together. I know that we will have a great relationship if he could bring himself to get beyond his fear and look at the possibilities of having a gre...

Alright I have come to a conclusion about men. They are all a little crazy! I don't mean that in a bad way because I think that men are great creatures, what I mean is that when left to their own devices they will miss out on the good parts of life. I am by no means saying that I am the greatest woman out there. What I am saying is that when I am by a man's side they will definitely have someone to lean on and the support they need to accomplish all of the things in life they may have felt was unreachable. Things brings me to my friend. Without telling the whole story almost 20 years ago, I was still a teenager and he was in his early 20's and he didn't waste anytime with telling me how he felt, initially. He told me how he wanted to be with me and that he would take care of me and all of those sweet and nice things. Well, after a few months I decided to spend time with him. He and I had so many things in common. We had a very good time together for the next tw...

What makes life an adventure? Do you have to make an attempt to climb the highest mountain? Do you have to go deep sea diving? Maybe, if you go for a leisurely 150 mph drive on the Autobahn? I guess for some people, these things make their lives adventurous but for me they are less death-defying. I lead a drama free life so an adventure for me is doing a little more than going to the grocery store. I decided that this would be the year that I go places I haven't been before and try things I haven't tried before. I have been sticking to this new found outlook on my life. It started with the fact that I live in a city that is full of culture and I have yet to take full advantage of my surroundings. The first new thing I did was get involved in Charleston's food week. I went to J. Paulz and had a dish I had never tasted and it was good and I enjoyed myself. I did this with one of my cousins. Before I decided to try new things, I would have stayed home because that i...

My pastor has preached the sermon before about having to be wolf proof. This means that you must stay prayed up and beware of the bad people that are masquerading as a sheep. Over the years I have come in to contact with several people that would appear to be sheep. That is until you turn around for a second and they are creeping up behind you trying to grab you by the neck before you realize what happens. It seems to me that I have once again been duped by a wolf or more accurately, a jerk in nice guy clothing. No I don't want to give anyone the wrong impression here. This has not happened to me a lot this would be the third time but the pain that results is always the same. I treat others in the way I expect to be treated and because I know my worth that means that if someone has the good fortune of being involved with me that they will definitely be treated well. The problem with jerks is that they can sense these things and know exactly how to act and what to do to get into an...

I am at a point where I am exponentially confused with love and life. I am unsure about the decision that I made and whether or not it was a good one. I have a friend that is a guy. We have been friends for almost half of my life. I will try to not to bore anyone with all of the details but there came a time, in the recent past, where we had a big argument and stopped speaking to each other. For about 4 months, I really missed my friend and didn't like my life without him in it. So I began to pray about this situation. As the answers came I realized that I had to reach out to him and let him know that I want him back in my life. I called and we were back together again like nothing had happened with us. Well, as it would turn out I began to see him in a slightly different light. The light was a more romantic one and I felt that he too was seeing me in a different light. His actions began to change so I watched him for a bit and prayed about what I should do. Finally, I d...

It has been a couple of weeks since my last posting and there is a good reason for that. I have never in my life been so busy with the goings-on in my life. This semester of school has been a real challenge for me. I am used to putting in the work to get things accomplished but I have been having a bit of a struggle. Don't get me wrong, I am up for the challenges that life has to offer. I also know that a struggle is the only way for growth and I want to continue to grow. All I can do is to continue to pray and realize that this will all work for the good according to His Word.

So I have a friend that is a self-described agnostic. Now the difference between someone that is agnostic and atheist is that an atheist does not believe that there is any such thing as God. An agnostic person believes there is a God just that the Bible is not the answer or does not tell an accurate story. So as most people that are not religious, he is pretty well versed in the Bible. We can exist together because I am not trying to make him what he isn't and he isn't trying to make me what I am not. We are very similar people in most other aspects of life and I appreciate him for who he is. At any rate he reminded me today, of something that religious people do that is the silliest thing, in my opinion. He and his wife met a couple and they were hanging out. Well, during this time they were hanging out they meet one of the Supreme Court Justices and the wife of the other couple proceeds to ask a question of the Judge about gay marriage rights. Well, the judge gives, of...

There is this wonderful show that comes on NBC called Who Do You Think You Are? and this show is so terrific. It follows celebrities on the journey to find out who their ancestors are. Along with ancestry.com, these celebrities go on a search for the information that will give them a history of their family. So far, all of the stories have been unbelievable and unknown to the person and it is a Revelation where they come from. First there was the journey of retired Dallas Cowboys player, Emmitt Smith. He found his roots in Africa and his life was seemingly transformed as he realized that his jersey number was also a historically relevant number for his family history. Slavery was a dark moment in history for the families that were broken apart in Africa and for the African diaspora remaining in America. Being able to find a piece of history that connects you to a specific region of Africa is a special thing. Then another dark, more recent time in history would be the Holocaust. ...

You have to be one in order to have one. That's what my father said. But my question is, what happens if you are being one and the person or people you are being one towards are not being one back to you? If you haven't figured it out yet I am talking about a friend. Over the past 35 years of my life I have had many friends. Some for a very long time; and some for a very short time. There have been the ones that give back what I gave and then there were the ones that took took took and never gave anything back. I am also sure that I did the same thing to others also. Well those are not the friendships I am talking about. The ones I am talking about are the ones that I have put my time and energy into. Whenever I try to figure this out I remember what one of my aunt's told me about the way people treat you. She said that you teach people how to treat you so if you always do what others want then you are letting them know that it is okay with you that they use you eve...

Learning when there is seemingly nothing to learn is a skill that can be learned. I have always been the type of person that would listen and watch. I would rarely speak to people I didn't know and this gave me the opportunity to study. Studying the ways of people is an interesting thing to do. I have been doing it for so long that I can watch someone and pick up, through their actions, what they have going on in their minds about the situation they are in. It's also an interesting thing to do because when a person doesn't know they are being watched, they are less likely to be guarded. They will let their faces scrunch up if they are displeased or they will begin to fidget if they are uncomfortable, nervous or bored. These things are easy to spot when you know what you are looking for. Some of the less obvious things I like to look for are the nonverbal interactions between couples. A couple will let you know what they have going on in the home by the things they do...

I have been wondering a few things lately! One of the things I wondered about for the past week or so is how do you know what your limit is? Not pertaining to other people but as far as what you are able to obtain in your life. I came up with an answer to my question as I frequently have conversations with myself and then ask for the guidance from my Creator. And there were two answers that came to me while I meditated over this question. The reason is, is because, there is always a negative and a positive side to everything. I like to look from the positive side of everything. Being a Christian affords me the ability to realize that anything can happen but the positive thing is that, according to His Word, all things work for the good. I know and believe that all things work for the good, even when that thing seems like something bad and devastating, that is an earthly thought not an heavenly one. So the way to know what your limits are, when being negative is that you will rel...

The advice given to young women is to watch how a guy treats his mother. And I do think that this is good advice. But why has there been advice only given to young ladies, what about advice for men? Men need guidance just as much as a woman does in the game of love. I do have advice for the men. I have a son of my own so there are certain things that I will not accept from him. To the men out there. If there is a man interested in me then he should pay attention to my son. Not in a creepy way but in the way that he behaves because that shows what types of things I am okay with and what I am not okay with. My son knows that he is to open the door for his mother when the two of us are out together. That means this too, is a requirement for any man that would like to be included into my life. My son also knows that raising his voice at me is inappropriate. The reason it's inappropriate is not just because he is my son but because it is a respect thing. Long hair, as far as ...

So my fast is over. The fasting was accompanied with prayer and now, according to the Word, I can go into my waiting time. I must be of good courage and faith and wait. The funny thing about that is that I do not like to wait on earthly things. I don't mind at all waiting for my heavenly Father. The wait is well worth it when the reward is coming from God. That is the only thing that I have no problems waiting on. I am excited to see what the Lord has in store for my life. It makes me encouraged and happy for the outcome. I am so encouraged!

I am a little afraid. The problem with my scariness is that the reasons I am scared can change at different times. Right now it is for the younger children, the generation after my generation. I know you may wonder why am I afraid? Well, turning on the television can answer this question--tenfold. I love to watch shows like the First 48 and Addicted. On these types of shows you have a bird's eye view into the lives of the younger generation. The sad thing is that they show a total disregard for the traditions that got previous generations to the places they are currently in. They also lack a respect for people. They don't respect themselves and they certainly do not respect others. This is the reason they can take a life without any thought. It's the reason they can delve head first into the world of drugs. They have no sympathy or empathy. I am afraid that this is not just a phase and that they will not grasp the realm of what they are doing. I am afraid they will perish i...

Worrying about what other people think about you can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, there are situations that a person's opinion is something that you have to worry about, like at a job interview. On the other hand, it can be a bad situation to be concerned about someone else's opinion about you, like in the case of you reaching for your goals. When you are headed to a job interview there are a few things that you must keep in mind. You have to be dressed appropriately. That means, as a woman, you shouldn't wear anything too short and too tight or too shiny and too sparkly. You should also not wear stripper heels or makeup that you could see on the runway of an avant garde fashion show. If you do any of these things you could run the risk of your interviewer thinking ill of you. No responsible employer is going to hire the chick that may or may not be moonlighting as a stripper or prostitute. So yes put your best foot forward as the opinion of someone else is...

The Bible lets us know that when the time is drawing close to the end that things are going to change. One of the things it tells us is that people's hearts will turn cold, they will no longer have caring and loving feelings towards others. This is a sign of the times. The fact that people care less about others is so evident whenever I watch the news(which I don't) or just getting online the front page of most search engines give you a piece of the news and people are doing the craziest things. What type of person would stick an 82 year old man into the trunk of his car, regardless of whether they killed him or stashed him there after he was dead. That is a mentally sick thing to do. I am so far removed from this type of thinking, I am not sure how people even come up with these ideas. When ever someone does cruel things to the elderly or to the babies or little children it shows that they are followers of satan and are cementing their places in Hell. That's okay th...

So they always say that death comes in threes and that has just become true for me. I am thankful that it hasn't really been anyone that I personally knew it has only been those that are related to people I know and care about. Life is short so make the most of it that you can and be a good person and a righteous Christian.

I am facing my fears head-on. I am moving in the direction of becoming a fearless female. I am tired of being afraid of doing things I would like to do to make me happy. I am over that because I have things to do, places to go and people to see. That doesn't happen when a person is afraid. I went to a lecture yesterday that gave me such great advice on pursuing a field that I have been interested in for a few years but I always had an excuse for not doing it. Either it was not the right time for me to do it or I didn't know how to begin or get involved or make a demo or get clients. Well, I am over that and moving full steam ahead. The lecturer of that class, Mike gave pros and cons to the business. One of the cons was that the person in the mirror is the person that is keeping you for pursuing this field or any other field. I knew this deep down and it's funny because I always tell my friends and family that they should figure out what makes them happy, by themselv...

Yesterday I had a conversation with one of my cousins that quite frankly concerned me a bit. I would like to say that on a general basis I am open to hear what other people have to say. I am pretty much an open book. Now that's not to say that there aren't things that I keep to myself. The things I keep to myself are the things that I don't feel like I need any feedback on from anyone. So this leads me to my conversation with my beautiful, wonderful, kind, sweet, nice, talented, smart cousin! She really is all of those things but her behavior has led me to believe that she has no idea that she is any of these things. In fact she is currently behaving as though she is none of those things. It hurts me to know that a person as charming as her has no idea what she has to offer to another person. She has lost herself in an idea that may not be realistic for who she is. My reality is not anyone else's reality and I don't live my life as such. I have another cous...

Bold or arrogant disregard of normal circumstances is the definition of audacity. For me this means that when a person is out rightly going against what is proper means that they are audacious. It's generally not a good thing if someone says to you the audacity of you to do. . .! Well, based on the definition, to be audacious is not always a bad thing. Now it is certainly audacious for someone to act as though they have the ultimate power of say like their boss. You know it is audacious of the underling to throw around orders and give attitude to people that are not under them. The audacity of that person to think that they should take this upon themselves. It just makes me want to pull out my hair. Now our beautiful President, Barack Obama, wrote a book entitled The Audacity of Hope. This is a good type of audacity. Hope, in and of itself, is going against the grain or against the normal expectations. The audacity of hope is then the type of audacious behavior we should...

I woke up this morning with my mind on Jesus. I really appreciate the distance in which He has brought me. And I know that He is by my side if I allow Him to be. Because of the Word, I know that I will never be able to pay Him back for the blessings He has placed upon me. This concept is what got me thinking this morning about people that can never be paid back. First of all in the Manual it tells us that we as Christians, should owe no man anything but love. That being said, as a person I think there are some people who want to figure out a way to pay other people back for their generosity towards us. That is often times an impossibility. A mother is a person that will never be able to receive payment for all that she has done. Even if the only thing she has done is to birth her child and then give the child to a family that will give it the love that she is unable to give it. How can you pay back a person for something like that? There is nothing that can be paid. A father ...

Today I had an interesting texting conversation after I had a telephone conversation with someone else. What I realized during the telephone conversation, is that I have rarely let people in. I haven't allowed a whole lot of people into the story that is my life. After the texting conversation, I realized that part of the reason I haven't let some people in is because they just didn't deserve to be let in. I have let a few people in. The people that I felt would be accepting of the person that I am. One of the big personalities that I have let in has let me be who I am. Shoot, they have helped in allowing me to become who I am today. They took the time to find out what I wanted in life and then help nurture the dream with me. I don't mind sharing this part of who I am when the other person wants to be involved in knowing the real me. However, during the text conversation, I realized that I am protective over myself but I am also very aware of the other person....

When I was a child I saw what responsibility looked like. My parents would do what they needed to do in order to be responsible for their children. This makes me wonder, why is it that parents now are not as responsible? Now as a parent myself, I understand the need to have time alone or with out your children all of the time. This is fine and reasonable . Now the responsible parent will make sure the child has proper supervision when they take this time alone. An irresponsible parent will stick there children in front of a television and give them some fast food. This is not an okay situation. This is not a responsible parent at all. There are also the parents that expect other people to do more for their child than they do. It is not the teachers job to discipline your child. A teacher is there to educate your child. The discipline of a child is something that must be done at home. At home is the place where you give a child the know how and the courage to survive in life ...

I am not sure what is going on with me. I have so many different thoughts in my head on a daily basis. There are people that I really love in my life that have begun to bother me a bit. I know it is not necessarily because of them but because of the change that I am going through in my own life. I have to move on from the stage of being afraid of making the next move. I know that I have been afraid of the judgement of other people and now I don't want to hurt any one's feelings but I don't really care so much what other people think about me anymore. I know this is going to help me get on a different level. The question at hand is then, what is the next level? I know that it is one that happens on a spiritual level first and that is why I have the guts to now go on by myself if need be. Which makes me think about a song that my mother sings and the words go like this: I'll go if I have to go by myself, I'll go if I have to go by myself. Send me I'll go. ...

Coming to terms with the past will help you to move on with your present. A lot of times, people want to act as though the past doesn't exist anymore. Not talking about it does not mean it goes away. This mind state has gotten us, as a people, nowhere. We have accomplished nothing except alienating the generations to come. By pretending that what was never was, the next generations are unable to see where they have come from. As a teenager I would go out with my friends and hang out and there were more likely than not, some things that I should not have done. I was a teen mother so there were definitely things that I should not have been doing. But, if I act like that wasn't anything that I did as a teenager then my teenagers are going to begin to feel a certain way about me because I am a hypocrite. This is not to say that I condone my behavior, but because I lived it I can talk about it and lead the next generation towards making a different decision. A decision that...

Well today is the beginning. I guess one would wonder, what is it the beginning of? Well, that is actually a hard question to answer. This is the first day of my ten day fast--the Daniels fast. Daniel fasted from eating food from the king's table. What this meant was that Daniel felt that the food being served by the king was being more harmful than it was healthy. So he took the opportunity to eat only of the land. For the 10 days he only ate things that grew straight from the ground. No meat or seafood or any dairy products. Then Daniel said to the king, when the 10 days are over I will be healthier and look better. Daniel layed down the challenge and he knew that God was going to deliver what He was being asked for. So this is most of the answer to the question of what is this the beginning of. This is the beginning of the fact that I know what I ask for will be what I receive, on one condition of course. That condition is that I stick to the fast and pray and have the...

Last semester of school, one of my teachers clarified something for me. I have always heard the old adage that misery loves company. The class I was in was my abnormal psychology class and what he did was make a small amendment to the adage. I have realized what he said is true. He said, misery loves miserable company. Misery doesn't want the type of company that is happy and uplifting. They don't want company that will try and help them with their situations and help them find a happier way. When someone is miserable they will try to do everything that they can to bring other people down to their level. I like to believe in the good of other people so I think a lot of the time these miserable people are not making a conscience effort to bring other people down. But I am also not as naive as to believe that everybody that is miserable is making this choice with out knowing what they are doing. I know people that are miserable in their lives and they will do all they can...

This is to all ya'll good church going people, talking about folks and don't be living right ya'll self. Lord they really think they foolin' you by coming to church on Sunday, praying then layin' hands on folks, stompin' and jumpin' around, fakin' the Holy Ghost. But there's a thin line between walkin' it and talkin' it and livin' it and givin' it and just pretendin' it's alright. And do they really think they gonna pull the wool over Your eyes Lord do they really think that by fakin' they were saved that they would get the same reward? And after this a lot of folks won't like me no more but after this I've gotta go answer to You Lord! So I made up my mind Imma go to church on Sunday and sing a song that may hurt somebody's feelings so that maybe the will will be done on earth as it is in heaven and I hopefully they willl see how much they really be discouragin' a little ol' sinner like me. Lordy wh...

Love is truly one of the most beautiful things in the world. That is when it is at it's truest form. There are things that true love will let you do and then there are things that true love will not let you do. This goes for both romantic and non-romantic types of love. Love will let you realize your dreams. Love will allow you the opportunity to soar while it gives you the wind beneath your wings to help you fly. Love does what is right for itself because it knows that that is the beginning of the truth in any relationship--being who you really are. Love will allow you the time you request and require for your well being. Love will tell you the truth. Love will support your dreams. What love doesn't do is lies to you. Love doesn't make you hurt. Love doesn't make you feel bad about yourself. Love does not let you think the wrong thing is the right thing. Love is not a selfish thing. Love does not allow you to be boastful and bragadocious. Love does not let...

During the day I have so many thoughts that go through my head. Depending on what I read and to whom I speak, some of those things really stay in my head and I have a much longer time to think about it. The thing on my mind right now is that it's funny how people behave when they know that they shouldn't really be doing something. I know personally, when I used to want to talk about a situation but didn't want that person to really know what I was doing then I would talk in circles. I would tell part of the story so that they would have no idea as to the other parts of the story. Or I would talk about another person and only tell the good stuff because I knew that my friends would know this wasn't a great situation and would try to talk me out of wasting my time with that person. This is called lying by omission really! What I do now is just keep my business to myself unless I am willing to tell the whole story. But what I have realized is that there are less peop...

Previously I spoke of the fruits of the flesh. This posting will be about what a Christian should strive towards. This will be about the fruits of the spirit. These are the things that the Manual have instructed that we as believers of the Word should add unto our lives. Galatians 5:22-26 NKJV But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering,kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. against such there is no law. And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another. As the fruits of the flesh will become your downfall as a Christian, the fruits of the Spirit will lead you to your Heavenly home. There is really nothing new under the heavens and everything that you would like to find the answer to is given in the Manual.

As I am in the middle of my fast, I have come to realize that I am like the apostle Paul. He said that he finds himself doing what he knows he shouldn't do and not doing the things he should. This is certainly a description of my life and that is fine as I find myself in good company. During the time of fasting you are supposed to pray along with the fast to bring about a change. Fasting is not about just giving up food it's also about bringing your body under subjection. Deny the flesh so that the spiritual being can get stronger. The good thing is that you don't have to wonder what the flesh wants because the Manual lets you know. Galatians 5:19-21 NKJV Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanliness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which is tell you before hand, just as I also told...

Well, about six months or so ago, I was having a conversation with a friend. The conversation got a little heated but there were no ill-words traded, necessarily. There were a few things that came out but they were not all that bad at the end of the day. We are both a little stubborn though. Because both of us felt as though we may have said and heard somethings we didn't want to say or hear we took a step back. What really happened is that our friendship would suffer from this little falling out. We would occasionally send a text message to each other but we weren't hanging out with each other as we used to do--prior to the conversation. Then a few days ago, I couldn't stop thinking about him. So, when I can't get a person off of mind I always try to check up on them to make sure that they are okay. For me it doesn't really matter what the status of our relationship is, there has to be a reason that I have these thoughts about the person. So what I did was ...

I am so inspired by the song My Soul is Anchored. I really love the version as sung by Trin-i-tee 5:7. It's just something about those young ladies and their spirit. I feel like they are singing specifically to my situations in life. Like the Bible says my issues of life. I realize that some times in this life we are going to be tossed by the waves and currents because the storms keep raging. The words also say that the hope within is reassured as I keep my eyes on the distant shore, I know He will lead me to that blessed place he has prepared. But if that storm don't cease. And the winds keep on blowing in my life, my soul has been anchored in the Lord. As I am in truck driving I turn the radio up full blast and sing out for my praise to my saviour. As a believer in Christ, the Manual tells me that there will be ups and downs; there will be test; you will face trials and tribulations; and the good news is that the only one in control of the outcome is you. I refer to...

One of my favorite songs right now is I ain't Hearing You by Angie Stone. The first thing that pulls me in is the music. It's bouncy and 80's inspired. The 80's was a carefree time of life for me and this song makes me bounce around a bit--okay a lot. The music brings me in but the words are what keeps me interested. Angie Stone has continued to do something that many people have never done, she is a lover and supporter of black men. The beginning of the song she says, I've got a good man, even though he ain't perfect, and that sets the tone for the song. Then you get to the chorus and she lets all of her friends know that instead of listening to what they are saying, she is going straight to the source and talk to her man. The reason this is important is because a lot of times outsiders have ulterior motives. The outsider may want you to get rid of your man so they can go after him or they want to get you away from him so that you have more time to dedi...

This is a warning to myself as much as to anyone else. But this is a way to get a little perspective in my own life. What goes around comes around; you reap what you sow; you find what you're looking for; all very good sayings that apply to everyone, including me. I like many other people get involved in situations that may not be the best situation for them and they continue down that road anyway. For example, let's say I meet a guy and I know that he is seeing other women. That is fine since we are not in a monogamous relationship with each other. Well, let's say this guy is a nice guy, with a good personality and lots of other good attributes. Being the type of person that I am, I will ask a few questions about the direction this person wants to take our budding relationship; that is if the signs aren't already pointing towards the fact that this guy just wants to play the field and continue to see me and the other women. I know that I am not comfortable with that bu...

Spring is right around the corner. Actually daylight savings time is going to take place in a few days. I especially love this time of year. Spring brings so many new and beautiful things. The earth begins to get colorful and blossom into a world of loveliness. Sure tree, leaves and flowers are great but I am actually speaking about fashion. I am a shoe-a-holic. Yes, sometimes I feel like I may need to go to some sort of anonymous meeting for my issues with shoes. One of the only things that keeps me from going is the fact that right now I really can't afford the shoes I love. Now when I get to a position in life when I can have a room filled with the newest and prettiest pieces of art from Manolo Blahnik, Balenciaga, Prada, Louis Vuitton, Jimmy Choo, Gucci, YSL and all of the other wonderful designers of these lovely shoes, then I will certainly need to get some professional help. But spring time is not just about the shoes. There is also the fact that the shoes are on fu...

Thirteen years ago, one of the greatest rappers of all time died. This was a tragic thing for so many different reasons. First this was a seemingly, random act of violence. Then there was the children, that were his children, that were left behind to be raised without their father. Next, there is the grieving family left with unanswered questions. Lastly, the void left by his lyrical prowess in the world of hip-hop. All of these things are unfortunate side effects of the death of one Christopher Wallace, b.k.a. The Notorious BIG, a.k.a. Biggie Smalls. I can still remember the day that Biggie died. It was 1997 and at that time I worked at a car rental company call center. I had a boyfriend, of sorts, and he hit me on my hip. Those times were still big for beepers and I kept my pager on my hip. So I went to use the phones cause it was weird for him to page me when he knew I was at work, he told me that Biggie was shot in California and died. I never knew him personally but I ...

I have been blessed in my life to at most points have a male friend that is no complications. My male friends and I being just friends, nothing extra just a male sounding board for me and a female sounding board for him. I really appreciate those guys, they have helped me stay out of unwanted situations or helped me to stay out of them. Thanks guys you rock hard. Now of all the reading I have done, and all of the conversations I have had with my buddies, I know one thing about guys for sure. When they tell you something, you shouldn't make up an excuse for why they would say that, or try to read in between the lines or just try to turn what they said into something that suits you better; they have said what they want you to know. A man will let you know what you are trying to find out. He will tell you either with his actual words or his actions will tell you. What that means is that when a guy tells you that he doesn't believe in marriage and doesn't see himself ever...

Congratulations to Mo'Nique on her Oscar win. Her acceptance speech is my inspiration for this blog entry. She thanked her husband, Sydney for telling her that it was better for her to do what is right instead of what is popular. That is a good man. Her husband gave her good advice and for me I always think that the a majority of the time, doing what's right means that you are going to go against what is popular. People are generally okay with going along with the herds and getting on the road that is most travelled. Sydney offered what is really the Godly advice. The word of the Lord does let us know that being a Christian is not popular and that is the way that it is supposed to be. That is the only way that the righteous can be separated from the non-believers. The popular thing to do may get you to your short-term goal or achievement but when you choose the right thing you win bigger in the long-term. I know for myself, when I make a decision that was right but agai...

For me and my life I like to read and watch television to de-stress. There is nothing better than a good magazine article, a great book or my favorite television show. I just realized this evening though, that I have so many favorite shows, I don't know how to narrow it down. On Mondays I really look forward to watching The Secret Life of the American Teenager and the new Life Unexpected. I love the teen angst. I love the way that they portray very realistic story lines. Of course I realize that a lot of the content is so fantastical, but that is what I like the melding of reality and fantasy. That group of teens on The Secret Life does not wholly remind me of my life in high school but there are certain aspects of each of their lives that remind me of my high school friends and me. The two busy bodies are so real. They are so high school because that is how it is, you hear something and then you tell someone else but some of the facts get messed up a little. I love them an...

I have been a little under the weather for the last couple of days. When I feel like this and I don't really want to leave the house I just want to lay in the bed and cuddle with myself, I can catch up on some reading. It's my addiction. During school I am really unable to do a lot of leisure reading giving the fact that I have so much to read for my classes. Well, I buy and subscribe to around 25 magazines a month, yes I know that that is a little crazy but I could have a worse addiction than to reading. Well, at any rate, I just finished reading the issue of Essence with the intelligent and beautiful Mr and Mrs Obama, better known as the President and First Lady of the United States of America. Mr. President is a very eloquent speaker and he is very passionate about education. I love that about he and his wife. They are not afraid to put forward a challenge of the pursuit of excellence. The President said sure I have more resources and aid than lots of people but the on...

I like to post something on my blog daily and I realize that I am a little tonight. The reason I'm running late is because I need to pray and get some favor and grace added into my life as soon as I possibly can. I like the saying too blessed to be stressed. The thing about that is that it comes with a few requirements. I am a Christian and I know that the blessing of favor don't just fall out of the sky. I am currently stressed about a few things in my life. I do realize this is the wrong thing for me because if I am stressed that means that I am not trusting my Leader. So the saying of too blessed to be stressed can only apply if you are actually putting your trust and faith in Him that He is able to do all things. I am writing and praying about this thing and I can feel the stress being released because I know I don't want to have this weight on my shoulders. The yoke is easy and the burden is light. I am letting my earthly troubles go so I can be spiritually fr...

I go to a barber shop to have my eyebrows arched and my kitchen cleaned up a bit. While in the barber shop there could very well be an interesting conversation going on that gives me insight into the male mind. It is so different from the female point of view for sure. The topic of conversation my last visit to the barber shop was about a good or bad girlfriend. The model, according to the guys in the shop, is Melanie on the television show, The Game. They were so adamant about the fact that they felt that she was a very bad girlfriend. I said geesh, she gave up going to one of the most prestigious medical schools in the country. She also caused almost irreversible damage to her relationship with her parents. She also put the needs of his team first by joining the charity leg of the organization even though she initially did not want to do it. According to these gentlemen, she was a bad girlfriend. I asked what are you basing this upon and they said because she slept with her E...

Over the past few months I have been faced with an interesting dilemma. I have a few friends that I have been friends with for a while. I may have written before about the fact that they have pretty much stopped speaking to me with the exception of the occasional text message or friend requests on facebook. My issue is rather or not I should try to mend our fences? I know that everything happens for a reason and that there are seasons for everything including people. Lately I have missed the relationship that I had with these few people but at the same time with the absence of the relationships I realize that the only thing that has changed is them not being around. My life is not any less fulfilled or exciting than when we were friends. I haven't had terrible things happen in their absence and I haven't lost anything else. Does this mean the season has set on these people and I should continue to cultivate the new friendships? I know for a fact that I will keep moving i...

Yesterday was a day packed with work for me. It was also the 60th day of the year 2010. I am not sure why that is significant but it feels to me like it may have been. Yesterday was also the first day of the third month. I think the significance is the fact that I am a numbers person. Most of my day is surrounded by counting and adding and subtracting and not because I am taking a math class or anything like that. I just feel that there is no way to survive if you can't deal with numbers. Of all of the subjects I have taken in school the one that is the most useful and the one that you must hold on to the most is what you learned in your mathematics class. I was however so bogged down with my Spanish work yesterday. I think I may have to move to a Spanish speaking country so that I can really learn to speak because I am getting a proper butt cutting right now.

Taking a responsibility break is absolutely essential to leading a fulfilling life. I realized how important it was and decided that I had to do it; and quickly so that I could recharge and be able to handle the responsibility my life has for me. It's not a bad thing to take your me time. Like Heather Headley sang, I need some me time, not some you or some us but a little bit of she time. I was having a moment in my life where I felt like everyone is pulling on me. Somebody always wants something from me, which is fine but I am unable to give anything if I don't have anything left to give. Once I came to this realization, I knew this is what I have to do for me before I have some sort of mental breakdown. So I left everyone and my responsibility behind for the day. I checked into a hotel and just ate sushi, read magazines and watched television. I didn't answer any calls, do any homework, or even do any grooming for the day. I took a total me day. Okay in all fairn...

Now that I am totally over my birthday I have realized a few things about life. The main and most important thing to me is that I have to live for where I currently am. It's just like I believe in meeting a person where they are I never extended that thought to myself. I have been way hard on myself. Well, it's time to get beyond that. Why have I been putting things off because I am not where I think I should be. I am a single woman and the only thing I am really not allowed to do is to go to a couple's activity. Why should I stay at home instead of traveling on my own? There is no problem with going an experiencing new things just because I am doing it on my own. I am not an island so that means that where ever I go there will be other people there. Other people I can speak with and maybe get to know well enough that they and I will become friends. Being single is not a sentence to being lonely yet it may mean that there are times that you have to do things alone....

If you looked at my life and seen what I've seen. Life can be only what you make it, when you're feeling down you should never fake it, say whats on your mind, and you'll find in time, that all the negative energy will all but cease. And you'll be at peace with yourself, you won't really need no one else, except for the Man up above, because he'll give you love. Take your time baby don't you rush a thing don't you know I know we all are struggling? I know it is hard but we will get by, and if you don't believe in me, just believe in Him. Cause He'll give you peace of mind, yes He will. And you will see the sunshine, for real, yes you would. And you'll get to free your mind, and things will turn out fine, yes they would, yes they would. These are some of the lyrics to MY LIFE, as sung by Mary J. Blige. And all of these years later this song is as relevant now as it was then. The experts say that you have formed an opinion about someone, ...

Right now I am member of one social networking site. That is down from about 3 at one point. I stopped with the other two because one was like a pick-up joint, and the other was not as proficient as the one I am still on. I like the fact that it can connect you with people you have lost contact with or people who may be interested in your particular services and things of that nature. There are also a few things I don't like about it. Actually, these things really upset me. The first thing is that some people get offended with you when you don't want to be (fill-in-the-blank with social network) friends. Is it really that serious? Really, if you and I have gotten along thus far in life without being able to see pictures of each other, or read mundane aspects of each others life, or inviting each other to play games, etc. . ., then we will probably continue to live our lives. I have yet to hear of someone dying because their request to be someones friend was ignored or d...

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to meeeee, happy birthday to me! Today is my birthday and I got to thinking about a few things. Well, I thought about me. I thought about how people don't think they make a difference because they are just one person. Well, that's what I wondered about, have I made a difference in anyone's life? Well, I have had the great fortune of a few people telling me that I have helped them and made a difference in their life. I am always honored to hear this because it is a special thing when people let you in on their personal thoughts about you. Usually people wait until a person is gone then they are at the funeral whooping and hollering about how the world is missing a good person now. The fact that a few people have given me this knowledge while I am still here is so beautiful. This lets me know that just one person can make a difference. Without me a few things would be different: 1. My son and daughter would n...

A question was posed to me this evening that I hadn't though about in a while. The truth of the matter is, is that I hadn't thought about it in years because I constantly thought about it for over a year. One of my little cousins asked me about breaking up with a longtime boyfriend. She asked because she knows that I was madly in love with a man for almost 5 years and then it ended, basically one night in Las Vegas. For the better part of two years I constantly wondered what I did wrong. I thought I don't think I will ever feel like this about a person again. I will never meet another guy that is so compatible with me. All of these thoughts were self defeating and they are what helped me to stay in the place of self-doubt. That's not a good place to be. Well, long story short, he and I are friends now after almost 5 years and I couldn't feel better about myself, inside and out. So, the advice I gave to her was to empower herself. I told her she needs to make...

New York Fashion Week is over and London Fashion Week has begun. I have a few favorite designers and I will get online and see what was debuted. Well, Fall 2010 has not been a let down at all. I would describe myself as simple and classic so those are the types of clothes I like to look at. I like what Elie Tahari did plus others like Diane von Furstenburg(a perennial favorite), Calvin Klein, The Row(yes, by MK & A Olsen), and Carolina Herrera to name a few. Well, Carolina Herrera had the best accessory--the hat! When I see beautiful hats I start to hear chimes and angels singing with a spotlight directed on the hat. This was how I felt when I looked at her fall show. The hats were stupendous. If I had to make a choice between other clothing or one of the hats from her runway, I would definitely choose the hats. After I saw the hats I thought I have to find an affordable version of those hats. I have yet to do so but I will not stop until I have a very reasonable facsimile ...

In church today one of the ministers directed our attention towards Haggai. Haggai 1:2 to be exact and the part that grabbed me was the part that said consider your ways. I thought wow that is good. That is soooo gooood! Consider your ways! How great is that as a reminder to His people? It is in direct parallel to another Bible verse that tells you to examine yourself. This means so much to me. This actually meant a lot to my development into the person I am today. I am a believer. I am certainly a true believer in these words and it's practically hidden away in one of the shortest books of the Bible. The lesson to be learned, as far as I can tell, is that every person should look in the mirror when they realize that things aren't going the way they think they should. It means that if you see that something needs to be done then you can't complain that no one is doing it because guess what, you are part of that no one. Concern yourself with yourself and deal with ...

They say that children are a good judge of character. For this reason I always like people that children seem to also like. The fact that children are at ease around them lets me know that the child has not gotten any bad feelings about that person. I also listen when a child speaks. Kids say the darnedest things is a saying for a good reason--because it's true.

I am a good listener. Because of this people don't usually have a problem opening up to me about things they may not normally speak of. That's okay because I am also a good secret keeper. I am generally, not the person spilling someone elses secrets. This may be the reason that I like to read some of the gossip blogs, or goblogs as I call them. Over the years, I have been told plenty of things. Oh I forgot I also don't usually lend my two cents unless someone asks or a loved one is, in my opinion, in trouble. That fact lends itself to people also doing things in front of me that they may not want most people to know about. Oh boy, the things that I have in my head because of these two traits--it is astounding! So I was speaking with one of my cousins the other day and she wanted to tell me something that she swore me to secrecy. I was excited to hear because it was about a celebrity that stayed at her hotel. So she begins telling me her story and the first part was...

When is enough enough? This is an interesting question that has a different answer depending upon who you are asking the question to. There is also a chance that the answer will change with the persons stage in life. I know for myself this answer has been different multiple times in my life. I can remember the fact that as a younger girl, maybe as a teenager, I would say, adamantly, if my boyfriend cheats on me that is the end of that relationship. Then I was put to the test. When I was about 16 I had a boyfriend in high school. We went to two different high schools so he could basically do what he wanted to do at his school. Well, it turns out he was. One evening I receive a call from the friend of one of my cousins and she gives me some information. She was a basketball player at the school he attended and while she was watching the boys game a young lady happened to pick her to ask about my boyfriend. She asked if my cousins friend knew him and if she saw him at the game. ...

I absolutely love the now cancelled but syndicated television show Gilmore Girls. I think that I felt sort of a sisterhood with Lauren Graham's character Lorelei Gilmore. She had a kid at 16 and I had a kid at 17. Like me, she is full of fun when it's that time and straight mothering when it's that time. I love that about her, and about me. Then I just realized today that another aspect of the show that draws me in is the fact that the nerd isn't a typical nerd. Also the fact that she is hot, nice, cute and adorable. I want to see a movie on the big screen that features a character just like that. I am sick of the nerds looking "nerdy" and being the sidekick to the "hot" girl. Why can't the hot girl and the nerd be the same girl? I don't think that I am hot but I am not completely unfortunate looking and I'm a smart girl. I knew plenty of girls in high school that was good-looking and smart and any one of us could have been the m...