Keep It Sybil

 I don't even think there is a phrase that describes the feeling that I currently have about my life.  It has been approximately, a year and a half since I have last shared.  The truth is that I have barely even written anything beyond a text message in that time.  For a while I called it writer's block but now, I know that is not a true assessment. The truth is more emotion and far-reaching than that would connote. When last we spoke I believe I was legally ending the worse chapters of my life.  Now, this is not to say that some good times were not had in that more than decade of my life, but the bad times definitely outweighed the good ones.  The lessons were a multitude with nary a time to rest really.  I am good with the knowledge of this at this point.  There has to be bad in order to enjoy the good; the night must fall in order for the sun to rise; there would be no way to turn left if you didn't have the option of turning right.  You g...

Karma, kismet, fate, destiny, God... whatever you call it, it's a real thing.  I am a person that believes everything, everything has energy.  This is why I always try to remain positive.  Yes,  there was definitely a dark period in my life but even in that,  I tried not to project that energy on anyone. I always led with a pure heart and love. During the dark times, the one thing I knew for sure was,  I was a good person and I did everything out of love. Love!  One thing about being on my healing journey is,  I had to face things about myself.  There were days that were brutal for me.  Really seeing your deficiencies is not easy.  At first I wanted to hide and never come out again.  I allowed so much negativity into my life that I was a different person.  Hard path but worth it one hundred percent.  At the beginning of this year I was still in a dark place but slowly coming to terms with myself and coming back into m...

I was talking to a friend a couple of weeks ago and I told him a story that I am going to tell now.  This is a true story. The thing about me is that I will look back at situations and figure out what it was teaching me.  I do not believe in coincidences, so everything has the potential to teach a lesson.  This knowledge is what keeps me from being bitter or stuck.  I am a person that will take quality over quantity every time. This is a story about just that. I hear people ask what your love language and I always say that I don't have just one.  I am a Pisces so in true Pisces form, I take a little from each.  In my last relationship, I loved to give gifts and give experiences. To me, giving a gift shows that you have put time and effort into buying something that would be appreciated and loved by the recipient.  I gave from my heart with exactly this in mind.  Birthdays, Father's Day, Christmas' all good times for gift giving and party throwing....

Things I have learned as I have been on my healing journey.  This is just a partial list of course because it changes all the time.  There are new things added and then some things may fall off. So here it goes. 1.  Starting is hard, but it is actually not the hardest part of being on this journey. 2.  Starting is extremely hard to do. 3.  Taking hard steps is the new normal. 4.  Making hard decisions is the new normal. 5.  Living in the hurt for a while is therapeutic. 6.  Living in the pain allows you to see the full spectrum of your situation. 7.  Crawling out of the hurt is necessary. 8.  Sometimes you will feel like you are crawling on broken shards of glass. 9.  The physical scars heal much quicker than the internal ones. 10. You must establish a safe word, phrase or kill word for yourself to stop with the self-blame. 11. There will come a time where you have to deep dive inside of your feelings and emotions. 12. You will be m...

So, anyone that knows me knows that I do not curse.  I don't care if others do it around me it is just not my thing.  I rarely even use slang.  Oh, there are definitely situations that I wish I cursed but I know I can't sound cool cursing.  And yes, when I am just talking normally, I do sound cool. Hey, I am cool. There are certainly people I would love to just curse them out and read them to filth. Because I am good with words, I can read anyone to filth, or I used to.  I haven't done it in a while.  Actually, I may inadvertently read a few people to filth with this post. I am actually writing this post to talk about jealousy and envy, The tools of the weak-minded. I know there are people that think it is a cool thing to make their significant other jealous.  Well, that is far from cool because it just means that one partner is manipulating situations in order to elicit a negative reaction, masquerading as care, from their partner.  Maybe those t...

Today is the 4th of July.  Here in these United States of America, that means it is Independence Day. I don't care to wax poet about how as a black person this day doesn't apply to me or that whole jazz.  I do still want to talk about being independent. I will be receiving my independence within a week and that is what I am here to talk about or share with you. First, I need to make something very clear.  Divorce is not something to celebrate.  I will not be throwing a party, buying a cake or releasing balloons next week when I am legally free.  I was in a marriage, and it did not work out. Sure, there are several reasons as to why it did not, and I will share them at another time.  I failed, the other person failed, and the marriage failed. A marriage is only about the two people involved but a divorce is about the whole family infrastructure.  Secondly, that marriage failing does not mean that marriage is a bad thing; that marriage was a bad thing....