Skip to main content

2013 wrap-up

This past year has been an eventful one.  Some may not have been great but one thing is for sure, they all taught me a lesson.  I move forward into this year with more life experience.

At the age of 37, with a 20, 17, 14 and 7 year old children, I realize that I am pregnant.  This would be a joyous time for most and in fact it was a very happy moment for me albeit surprising.  It was also very scary for me.  Only two other people know this but my spirit knew that if I were to get pregnant while my dad was so sick that it was my warning that he would soon pass on to live with his heavenly father.

My dad was happy to be having another grandchild.  He thought it was going to be a girl until we were able to find out that it was a boy.  Jordan Tol would be his name and my dad was passed that he would have his name.  In spite of his health, my dad called me just to see how I was feeling.He called often if only for a minute. 

On the morning of June 23rd my phone rang and it was my daughter. I remember the conversation verbatim: hello! What's the matter?, Ma?!?! Yes! Pops died.... What? Pops died! I'm on the way.... I was confused.  My dad died. The world around me was going on show motion and there was sobbing. Where was that sobbing coming from? Oh Lord Jesus it's me.  It's the hardest moment I have ever had in my life.

I realize as I sit in the stillness of my thoughts that I haven't completely grieved. 

Then on September 13th this little creature enters my life.  My, my, my a loss and a gain within a few months of each other. Nothing could ever be the same again that's for sure. Another thing, I am supposed to be a newlywed and during those few months it's like I was alone because my husband has no idea what it feels like to lose a parent.  Then I am almost never alone for the next three months after the baby was born. This isn't the most loving time of a marriage because there isn't any one on one time to reconnect. 

I just celebrated my one year anniversary on December 22nd. I think how for at least six of those months there had been so much strain placed on me.  I also realize that during that time, my marriage could have been over if we let the surrounding circumstances break us down.

2013 Has taught me that the adage, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, is true!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Whitney already told you

 Today I just knew that I needed to write a post.  Sometimes I know what I am going to write before I start, and then other times, I'm just winging it. There are plenty of things on my mind and I still don't know what my topic of the day will be. That is until I know what it is going to be. I look at the people in my life every day.  No, not physically but logically and some of the time emotionally. I come to the same realization every time.  First off, there is no such thing as coincidence, in my opinion. I believe that the family you are born into is based on many things, but it is never a mistake.  When you meet your friends, lovers and others, it is for a divine reason.  All things work for the good.  Not some of the time; all of the time. Now let me be clear, two things can and are usually true at the same time.  You can have a happy life and feel joy while still feeling sad over certain situations. The reverse can also be true where in you f...
Post a Comment
Read more

Cafe Bustelo with a little cream

 I don't even think there is a phrase that describes the feeling that I currently have about my life.  It has been approximately, a year and a half since I have last shared.  The truth is that I have barely even written anything beyond a text message in that time.  For a while I called it writer's block but now, I know that is not a true assessment. The truth is more emotion and far-reaching than that would connote. When last we spoke I believe I was legally ending the worse chapters of my life.  Now, this is not to say that some good times were not had in that more than decade of my life, but the bad times definitely outweighed the good ones.  The lessons were a multitude with nary a time to rest really.  I am good with the knowledge of this at this point.  There has to be bad in order to enjoy the good; the night must fall in order for the sun to rise; there would be no way to turn left if you didn't have the option of turning right.  You g...
Post a Comment
Read more

True Confession!

I have a confession to make. It's funny because telling a secret or making a confession is a very hard thing yet once it's done that weight has been lifted and you feel a little lighter. That being said confession is just good for the soul. I know that the devil is trying his best to keep me from obtaining my destiny and this confession is getting ready to shame him because he is a liar and he will not kill or destroy me. I am taking back the power I gave him in this situation. I just had a birthday and I turned 36. I love when my birthday comes around. This year was no difference. Actually, it was a lot better than it has been in years. Partially because I spent my day getting to know a new person in my life but mostly because I have been getting to know myself. This is my real-life confession. I didn't begin to feel good about myself until I was in my 30's--I was around 32 actually. I had the most negative self-talk a person could have. My self-esteem and self-imag...
Post a Comment
Read more