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True Confession!

I have a confession to make. It's funny because telling a secret or making a confession is a very hard thing yet once it's done that weight has been lifted and you feel a little lighter. That being said confession is just good for the soul.

I know that the devil is trying his best to keep me from obtaining my destiny and this confession is getting ready to shame him because he is a liar and he will not kill or destroy me. I am taking back the power I gave him in this situation.

I just had a birthday and I turned 36. I love when my birthday comes around. This year was no difference. Actually, it was a lot better than it has been in years. Partially because I spent my day getting to know a new person in my life but mostly because I have been getting to know myself. This is my real-life confession.

I didn't begin to feel good about myself until I was in my 30's--I was around 32 actually. I had the most negative self-talk a person could have. My self-esteem and self-image was so low that there have been times that I was in such a deep depression that I was fine with the thought that if God decided not to wake me the next day that everyone would be better off. The thing about being in this place of my life, for me was that no one had any idea.

I think I have been trained or I trained myself into being phony about my feelings and emotions. I have a laugh that I have been told is contagious and a great sense of humor so I used those things to keep everyone off of my real emotions. I would smile and joke around and laugh with those around me. I kept my hair fixed and dressed nicely so that my outward appearance would defy the inside. When I look back at those years that were pretty consistent from my first few days of middle school in Summerville until I started seriously attending church and learning about the love of God, which was when I was around 32 years of age. That is 20 years of my hurting myself. Looking back at those year shows me how lost my soul was. That is scary!

I know that things could have gone in any direction while I was not being realistic about myself. Thanks to those people that I know just prayed for me in general and the fact that God had a plan for me, my low self-worth didn't guide me towards doing crazy things that could have had irreversible side effects like binge drinking, drugs or risky sex. I am so thankful for that and that is what is prompting my confession.

The devil is a liar and now he can't hold me down with this secret anymore so take that!

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