High fidelity

When I made a commitment to myself at the beginning of this month to shed light on domestic violence, I felt a bit shaky.  After about the 4th day, I loosened up.  I also made a few realizations. 

I knew that my voice was needed for this subject.  I knew I needed to speak on the toes of abuse that get ignored.  I realized I must speak about the little acts of violence that get a blind eye turned to it.  I also knew that there are people in the midst of it that may not know but my words may encourage them to take a look. Having these realizations have me the courage to speak up.  I know there are people watching me that mean me harm and I made peace with that. I have a calm over me that hasn't been there on so long at first it was hard to fully feel. 

There was a time my anxiety was so high I had to soak to my doctor about raising the dosage of my anxiety meds.  I currently have no idea when the last time was that I took them. It's not to say the anxiety has disappeared but that the peace I have is sufficient. I have a few tips that really helped me. 

First, everyone needs to do what is right for them.  If you are on meds and they help you navigate your days, then continue doing that.  Truthfully, I was doing several of these things while taking the meds and it took about 6 months or so for me to feel the turnaround. Second, do not let anyone, and I mean anyone tell you where you should be on your journey. If it's been a year and you are still on the grief stage, that's the stage you should be in.  Next, listen to what yourself is telling you. I mean really sit down in the quiet and listen. You have more guidance than you know. Healing isn't static.  One hour you may be joyous and then overcome with sadness.  No Thai doesn't make you a psychopath if bipolar, it makes you a person getting your mind and body through trauma. This journey isn't a race so there is no one recording what mile you are on and how far you have to the finish line.  In fact, the finish line will move based on where you are.  Fret not, you are doing fantastically.

I know that everything carries energy.  Because I know this, and forgot this in the midst of the trauma, I let myself feel the different frequencies. When I start remembering this and acting accordingly is when the calm started to move in for me. Sounds have energy. This is my first tip. 

In the trauma, I never played music in the house unless there was a gathering, and even then, the other person controlled the playlist.  If you know me and who that other person is, you can understand the irony of having a house devoid of music just for the sake of having music. I started waking up and as soon as I got up, I would have Alexa play one of my playlists. Insurance mood lifter. Opening the curtains and blinds were a very cost second in the mornings.  This was literally moving the darkness out, the negative energy of darkness inside of me would move out also. You know it's working when you stay moving your body with the music. 

The second tip is that I only wore specific pieces of jewelry.  The things that had positive energies attached to it already like my amethyst stone necklace or my tree of life pendant or even my little gold heart ring.  These things all held positive energy which meant it pushed away the negative. It seems small but the difference can be monumental. 

Color therapy is a real thing when it comes to energy.  For me this manifested in me not wearing black, until I was in mourning. I kept to the clothes that were brighter.  If I really needed a positive energy boost, then I would put on white or cream. I do wear black occasionally again but, on those days, I am very aware of the heavier energy. Being at peace has allowed me to respond to myself in those moments by allowing myself to feel that energy. I do not allow myself to live there but for me it's healthy to allow grieving when it comes back around. For you, find your balance and give yourself grace. 

Speaking of grace, I pray. Meditation isn't really my thing, but I can pray and get centered. Speaking to Jesus is a big help.  Listening to Jesus is a bigger help. These are the things that helped me and that I continue to use on my journey.  I also do not put my head in the sand to the truth and the reality of the relationship that I had. Like I tell my youngest son, hard doesn't mean impossible, it just takes a little more work. Just getting on this healing journey is hard so once the work begins it may seem impossible, but it isn't. Take one step at a time. You will thank yourself.