Illegally legal

We probably all know someone that was diagnosed with cancer or we ourselves had to battle cancer. I am the filling in a breast cancer sandwich.  My mom is a breast cancer survivor and so is my daughter. I have not had to fight that fight.  I stood close by while my daughter fought.  The chemotherapy and the radiation treatments were tough.  I used to cry and pray that God would just take it away because there was absolutely nothing I could do to help. I could only be a support.

What I found was that once the radiation treatment was done and then there was a lumpectomy done, that wasn't the end.  Sure, the doctor will let their patient know that they no longer have the cancer cells and tell them, we will see you in six months so we can continue to monitor your progress.  Now the fact that the cancer has been removed does not mean the treatment stops.  The cancer remains such a threat that there can still be a cocktail of medications required.  Essentially, a pill form of chemotherapy to keep the cancer away. Well, it is actually to keep the same type of cancer away because the patient still runs the risk of forming another type at any point.  An abuser is like a cancer.

Once a victim becomes a survivor because they have fought to get away from their abuser it doesn't usually end there. There is still abuse after the survivor leaves. The most unknown but the most common post- abuse abuse is legal abuse.  This form is so unknown that even the survivor may not know of it's existence until they are in the middle of having it done to them.  Abuse that is not physical is generally not recognized until it has already begun to cause havoc in your life. The abuser and the survivor are no longer living together but because that's where it started, legal abuse still falls under domestic violence. So if you know a survivor that the abuser didn't succeed in killing, they will continue to try and wield control over that person but camoflage the abuse as a legal battle. Abusers are so conniving, you really can not trust they are done.  Unfortunately!

If the abuser and the survivor have children this is the most effective way to start the legal abuse. During the time the abuser is with their victim they don't get too involved with their child.  The children are being used by the abuser to either mentallyy/psychologically abuse their victim, think telling them the child hates you, you are a bad parent, you are turning this child gay,  while they are together.  None of these things are true but by this time the victim feels so lowly of themselves they believe what their partner is telling them. Once the domestic situation has ended they will then start a custody battle.  The thing a survivor doesn't realize is the abuser has researched all sorts of laws they can use to continue to abuse you. They will file paperwork saying that their victim is the abuser, then set up a scenario to make this appear to be the truth, so that an emergency custody hearing can be had. Where children are concerned, there doesn't need to be actual evidence from the person leveling the claim but the other person must have evidence to prove that it is not true.  Answer this: How do you get evidence that something doesn't exist without it existing? Anyways, they win this custody battle while continuing to have very little to do with the child and forcing others to care for the child instead of their other parent that was doing it alone basically, while they were being abused. The abuse has not ended.

The legal abuse doesn't stop there.  There is the aspect of legal abuse that also encompasses another form of abuse which is financial abuse.  I will talk about financial abuse at a different time but know that it is probably the second most unknown common form of domestic violence. Getting out of an abusive relationship physically should be the end but it truthfully is only the end if someone has lost their life. If you haven't read my post from  yesterday, Peace be still, you should go back and read it because this all ties in together. The thing about an abuser is that no one can accuse them of being a dummy.  They are very smart in the same way that a drug kingpin is running a multi-million dollar corporation.  If only they could use their gifts for positivity instead of attempting to and in many cases succeeding at destroying another human being.

The lesson I hope was taken from this post is that an abuse survivor had to use the skills of a superhero to get out alive.  They have to continue to use those skills after the were able to get out also.  Imagine how tiring that is.  Imagine how using their superhero strength non-stop for months, years, decades will cause that person to be exhausted.  So telling an abuse survivor not to put any energy towards certain aspects of their abuser is not helpful because they have to use a superhero amount of energy in order to protect themselves, even once they are not physically with that person any longer. Stop judging please..