There are a few things I know about myself. I am not a big talker, but I love to talk. I know those two things may seem like they are in opposition, but they are not. When I am comfortable, nee safe around people, I will talk all night long. I love to receive information and share information, laugh, giggle and everything in between. I am not a person that likes to sit around and talk just because it is something to do. Enjoying something doesn't mean you do it all of the time. Doing it all of the time can sometimes make you lose interest in it. I never want that to happen.
Because communication is a big thing to me I do it effectively and efficiently. Having a conversation is a way of sharing a piece of yourself with other people. That being said, today I am going to talk about ignoring a loved one. Ignoring a person, you claim to love, is a manipulation and it is abusive. There are studies that show that the "loved one" being ignored is feeling the equivalent of receiving a punch to the stomach. A punch to the stomach is not something that is easy to take. This is the reason that ignoring a "loved one" is abusive. Domestic violence covers a myriad of abuses.
In a domestic situation, there are things that are unwritten rules, in my opinion. One partner has the right to ask things of the other person. If there is a need for clarification on a subject or just an interest in something that the other person is doing, how else would that partner get the information than by asking? I completely understand telling a person that you refuse to continue to answer the same question when it is bordering on nagging. However, the first time a question is asked, and it makes the other person uncomfortable, that is not a reason not to answer. It is actually a reason to look inside of yourself and figure out why you are uncomfortable. In a domestic situation there should be no subject matter that is off limits. Ignoring the questions is a manipulation.
The abuser is teaching their victim that asking questions is not acceptable. They are telling their partner that there are parts of themselves and their lives that are off limits to them. There is not a need to be in a domestic relationship if there are things that are not accessible to the other person. For an abuser, because their goal is to be in control, to have the power over that person, ignoring them is one of the tools used to gain control. How can the abuser have control if their partner has information that could be used against them? In most cases they won't even say, no I am not answering this question they will just not answer and continue on like there is nothing on the table. But please don't ignore them. For those who may be abuser sympathizers, the abuser doesn't allow their partner to ignore them because they understand that it is a manipulation. The abuser understands that being ignored is a mental abuse. The abuser understands that through their actions of ignoring, they are ensuring their partner does not have the confidence or the gumption to try to get into the parts of their lives that are not for them. Nothing that an abuser does, doesn't do or says, is done by chance. I believe it is important to know this as a fact if you are on the fence about whether or not the abuser knows they are abusing you. They know.
Living with a person that ignores you and has in fact conditioned you to "stay in your place" has no true love for you. Sure, this may be their version of love because they have no idea what love is, but it is not love. Love doesn't come with a stomach punch on a regular basis or a daily dose of hurt. Love is something that feels good. It comes from within and seeps through all of your pores. The goodness of it cannot be contained. Love puts a toothy smile on your face and a glow to your skin. Your shoulders are held back, and you walk with an ease because you know your person has got you. Love is not about a feeling but about the actions that produce those feelings. Please stop judging the survivor. Please stop judging others. Just stop judging! Physical abuse is not the only type of abuse.
Comments
Post a Comment