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Step, step, side to side!

 I want to talk a little about the one type of abuse that everyone associates with domestic violence physical. The thing about physical abuse is the same as other type of abuse, there are step ups.  When an abuser is leading up to physical abuse, they are usually not going to start at picking up a bat and beating you.  It is going to start off with a "love tap" or just smalls ways to make you physically uncomfortable.  Power and control are always the goal.

Throwing anything at another person that is not engaged in a sports game of some sort could be the beginnings of physical abuse. Instead of handing you the car keys maybe they toss them at you.  The toss is forceful, and it smarts a bit when it hits your hand because you were not aware that it was coming towards you. I have said this before and I will say it again, accountability is not one of the things that an abusive person understands. They will proceed to enact other forms of abuse like mental/psychological abuse by trying to gaslight their victim into thinking they are stupid for not just catching the keys.  Now it's the victim's fault they didn't catch it instead of the abuser's fault for randomly throwing something at them.  I think abusers may get extra points the more forms of abuse that can be used in one situation.

This type of thing is so common that most will not associate this act with abuse.  abuse has to be thought of like a sexual predator, there is grooming.  The grooming is mental/psychological abuse in any situation. The abuser is now on the way to making you feel comfortable with these types of things happening to you. When the abuser begins to step up their game, they will have already started their victim down the road of blaming their self so they can beat up on their self.  The fact that you are beating up on yourself helps in the abuser's campaign to also beat up on you, physically, mentally and psychologically. There go the multiple forms of abuse again.

The abuser's hope is that by the time they are throwing their victim to the ground and kicking them that they are mentally and psychologically beat to the point of believing they are deserving of the beating. This fact coupled with the fact that an abuser does not take accountability for their actions, the victim is all in on taking all forms of beatings. The abuser has to be conniving. Everything is calculated and planned so they can maintain the power and control.  When the victim begins to change things up and their reactions can no longer be predicted by the abuser is what causes the abuser to up their abuse.  This gradual progression is the reason that over one third of murder/suicides are committed by a domestic violence abuser. 

My message will continue to be stop judging the victim for being in the predicaments.  Stop judging others. Stop judging. Domestic violence isn't only physical.

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