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Mended brokenness

I have come to realize that the journey I am on is a difficult one.  Not for the obvious reasons like the fact that I am able to say that I was in an abusive relationship,  but the inner work is what makes it even more difficult.  Having certain realizations has broken my heart into more tiny pieces.  

Once I have come to certain realizations there is then the work to figure out how I participated and how to move forward.  My therapist has definitely helped me in seeing several things.  If you have been reading and following, you know that my life's goal is to help others.  I'm sharing my path because if it helps just one person then it's worth it.  

I came to understand this on my own but u know it's true.  There is a whole segment of abusers that do not believe they are abusive. Unfortunately,  our society has placed more emphasis on abuse meaning physical abuse.  The person that is yelling in your face,  or calling you names,  or giving you the silent treatment, gaslighting you,  touching you after you hit their hand away,  lying on your name and the likes, is being abusive towards you.  The people doing those things will tell you things like I am who I am and you can deal with it or not but they don't see that behaviors as abusive, but...They are!

I allowed these things until I didn't.  I am sure you have seen the memes that say, their not seeing your worth does not lower your worth. If you are like me you were made to feel worthless by being overly criticized,  being told you don't add any value to their life, seeing them give what you asked for given to others or maybe even being told something like,  all you do is stay home with the kids so because you don't have a paycheck you have no value to me,  or things like that. Forgive yourself for believing those lies. 

If you are reading this,  I have no idea how to begin forgiving myself so if you have any suggestions please please please share them. My therapist is helping me to figure out my path to forgiveness of myself. 

One thing I know for sure is that the things happening to me from others in my life has been so extremely painful.  Looking inside of myself and feeling that hurt along with the hurt of knowing the parts I played hurts so much more than I could ever explain.  I have to encourage myself and hopefully that encourages someone else to understand. I was never a weakling but I didn't realize the super strength I possess. You do too!
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