If someone emotionally abuses you, they will physically abuse you. If someone will physically abuse you they will kill you. It's not a matter of if, but when. These are the profound words of famed homicide detective, Joe Kenda. I want to shed some light for those who may still be in the dark about this.
Physical abuse is easy. People don't seem to have a misconception of what physical abuse consists of, pushing, shoving, punching, slapping, hitting, kicking and any form of agressive touching. That is what makes it easy. Plus, it's something you can usually see. You are aware that there is abuse when you see the bruises, scratches, black eyes or the broken bones or sprained ankles or wrists. Often times, other forms of abuse are denied, overlooked or not acknowledged as such. This is unfortunate.
The one I want to talk about today is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse involves nonphysical behavior that belittles another person and can include insults, put down, verbal threats or other tactics that make the victim feel threatened, inferior, ashamed or degraded. The definition doesn't offer enough specificity for me so I'm sure there are many others who may not completely get it. So let's see if I can clear this up a bit.
Happy is an emotion. Walking in the park, holding hands, talking and feeding the ducks could be something that makes you happy. Your partner knows this and when you say, let's go to the park it's a beautiful day out. We can feed the ducks and enjoy the time while we walk hand in hand, they say, it is a beautiful day so why would I spend it doing that? What about if you decide to go and hang out with your friends and they can't stop calling or texting? When they call and text they try to make you feel guilty for leaving them behind or being out having fun without them or just generally trying to make you feel badly about doing something for yourself. What if you have a death in your family and you are crying uncontrollably? An abuser will either tell you to stop with the crying or some form of that or they may completely ignore you. I cheated on you because when I told you what you needed to do you didn't do it. Definitely, this is emotionally abusive. Just ignoring you all together. Coming home and not speaking to you or sitting right next to you without saying a word is ignoring you and that is abuse. We have to get clear about this.
Physically being hurt is not the only hurt. A person that is willing to cause you hurt in any form is an abuser. The unfortunate thing is that, an abuser abuses because they want to feel like they are powerful. They want to have control over another person usually because they don't feel so great about themselves. The power trip is like taking drugs. The abuser is chasing a high so when the emotional abuse doesn't give them that feeling any longer, they have to move on to a more effective firm of abuser that will. Maybe next is verbal abuse or psychological or financial. All of these may occur at the same time but once the high isn't high enough, sexual and or physical abuse will be next.
Chasing the high of feeling powerful is why, if you don't get away from that person when the physical abuse begins, the only high left is for that abuser to control if you have life any longer. If they lie, they'll cheat. If they cheat they'll steal. If they steal they'll kill. The abuser is seeking to make you feel as badly about yourself as they feel about themselves. No one that is abusive or wants to control another person feels good about who they are. We must get clear about this.
Getting away is the hardest thing that you will probably ever do in your life. My dad always said, the hard decision is probably the right one. I want you to understand that any form of abuse means that person is abusive and eventually they will not get high from anything else except knowing they controlled whether you lived or died. You must come up with a plan for your safety first. You will need help so please ask for it but get out safely.
You don't have to be a super human to have the super power of self preservation. You can do it. I believe in you if no one else has told you.
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