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Come to Life

Tonight I need to talk about living in a cloud on the silver lining.  In 2010, the end of June, my family was creating up for a family reunion.  I went to the train station to pick up one of my aunts.  While picking her up I receive a crazy call from my one and only daughter.  

She is pretty frantic and I'm not quite understanding at first.  Then I get that she is telling me the house is on fire.  Not a small kitchen fire but a fire fire.  There was lightening and that lightening hit a tree.  The branch catches on fire and it happens to be hanging over the roof.  So it's a get everyone out safely type of fire. Everyone did get out safely.

Welp, I lost around 90 % of my belongings.  I had vintage bags,  sneakers,  jewelry,  highschool memorabilia etc.... I felt a great loss because I always worked very hard and got the things I wanted.  After a couple of days,  I was living on the silver lining of the cloud.  

In April of last year there was a situation and I called the police.  My bestie was so scared that I was going to get arrested because I did something in an effort to protect myself(my state doesn't like if you are in physical danger and you protect yourself). She passed with the officers not to arrest me which meant the aggressor could also not be arrested. So fast-forward 7 months and this time it is worse and I had to protect myself once again.  There was no way around getting arrested,  for hair-pulling, because i needed the aggressor to get arrested and be accountable for the bruising on my face and my whole right side and my inability to walk.  My bestie,  was so scared for me because she knew I was getting arrested this time. Immediately,  I am in the cloud on the silver lining.  Being arrested was humiliating for sure but what came out of that was me. I knew I would never have to be alone in the same room with that person again.  I do still feel sheer terror at least 75% of every day but I also feel a fraction closer to being the person I lost over a decade ago. 

The fire forced me to be free of material things that represented a past and a version of myself that wasn't serving me any longer and the arrest did the same thing as far as ridding me off what was no longer serving me. The fear isn't great but the excitement of getting to know me and what serves me now and will help me to be who I was meant to be is so fantastic. I encourage you to also acknowledge the cloud but love on the silver lining. 
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