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Savings account

 Hello old friend.  There have been so many things going on with my life in the past almost 2 years. When last we spoke, I was just coming to terms with having survived an abusive relationship. The problem is that along with that realization comes many others.  It truly messes with your mind. Physically being removed does very little for the other parts of you that have yet to escape.

Trust is one of the biggest things I have been fighting with. I have yet to even put any thought into trusting a new man. My trust issues are all about me. I have several people surronding me that are very trustworthy and have stood beside me and supported me in all ways.  I, however, have not been trustworthy with myself.  I made myself a promise, I made myself several promises that I did not keep. 

15 years ago I was getting my degree and freelance writing. I promised myself I would get my degree and write fulltime and travel.  Well, you guessed it, I am actually 5 credits shy of my degree and I all but stopped writing.  I barely even wrote in my journals over the past 12 years. There are other promises and I let the truest version of myself be buried. I was in a deep dark hole. 

This fact is why I have trust issues.  I couldn't keep my word to myself. I cant trust the person I love with but it's so important that I figure out how to rebuild the trust. 

I do not totally know how to do it but what I do know is that I keep all of my promises to myself for starters.  That is actually the biggest promise I have made this far. Rebuilding is hard but if I can do it anyone can stop be encouraged. 

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