I have been on the outside looking into the search for a mate with one of my cousins. I have basically only offered the advice to be careful when meeting new people but be available to get to know a new person. I can't really offer much in the way of relationships, I have been in a relationship for almost one year but that is after being by myself for almost six years. Thus getting to know new people is something that I understand completely; I understand how totally scary it is to put yourself out there and open yourself up for possible rejection. This is not however, what has gotten me perplexed about relationships. My wonderment is about marriage.
I have spent my life surrounded by married people. My parents have been married for 40 years; I have an uncle and aunt that have been married for 38 years; An aunt and uncle that have been married for over 45 years; Another uncle and aunt that have been married for over 35 years; My pastor and his wife have been married for over 40 years. These are obvious long marriages. I know that only they can say if they have had happy marriages but I can say a few things after observing these couples. All of these couples were on the same pages. I can count on my two hands how many times I have seen these couples out and about without the other. I have never seen them having or heard them saying bad things about their mate. They take care of each others needs and wants without fail. That is always the first priority. Everyone of them love their kids but not to a fault. The children do not come before their relationship which should be the most important human relationship (in my opinion). Their is certainly respect for each other. Then there is the new marriage.
I know people who have been married for a few years and some of them have thrown out the traditions that have gotten the older generation into the long-term. The newer couple go out separately, as a matter-of-fact they have separate lives. They go on vacations without their mate, they have their money and there is no joint accounts or sharing of the funds, they do everything separately. The only time they are together is when they happen to get into bed and the other person is there because they don't go to bed together and share themselves and their days. You also don't have to listen to hard to hear bad things being said about their mate. Everyone has to take care of their own needs and wants and their is no respect at all. The children take the lead of these relationships also. This is the divorce generation; or the me me generation. this generation does not believe in putting someone else first it's as though that makes them weak. This generation has tried to fix something that is not broken and they have effectively broken it. This makes me sad because the next generation is observing the marriage that isn't the melding of two into one but the relationship that exists for the sake of saying that it exists.
Personally, I will go with the tradition every time because I want those aspects of the relationship that I saw growing up that made each mate elevated by the other. I wholeheartedly believe in being married and at the time that you decide to be in a monogamous relationship, you still have your interests and beliefs but everything being about you should cease to exist and now you take care of your mate and they take care of you. Love is the greatest thing on Earth which means that is also the scariest thing on Earth. But, it's worth it!
I have spent my life surrounded by married people. My parents have been married for 40 years; I have an uncle and aunt that have been married for 38 years; An aunt and uncle that have been married for over 45 years; Another uncle and aunt that have been married for over 35 years; My pastor and his wife have been married for over 40 years. These are obvious long marriages. I know that only they can say if they have had happy marriages but I can say a few things after observing these couples. All of these couples were on the same pages. I can count on my two hands how many times I have seen these couples out and about without the other. I have never seen them having or heard them saying bad things about their mate. They take care of each others needs and wants without fail. That is always the first priority. Everyone of them love their kids but not to a fault. The children do not come before their relationship which should be the most important human relationship (in my opinion). Their is certainly respect for each other. Then there is the new marriage.
I know people who have been married for a few years and some of them have thrown out the traditions that have gotten the older generation into the long-term. The newer couple go out separately, as a matter-of-fact they have separate lives. They go on vacations without their mate, they have their money and there is no joint accounts or sharing of the funds, they do everything separately. The only time they are together is when they happen to get into bed and the other person is there because they don't go to bed together and share themselves and their days. You also don't have to listen to hard to hear bad things being said about their mate. Everyone has to take care of their own needs and wants and their is no respect at all. The children take the lead of these relationships also. This is the divorce generation; or the me me generation. this generation does not believe in putting someone else first it's as though that makes them weak. This generation has tried to fix something that is not broken and they have effectively broken it. This makes me sad because the next generation is observing the marriage that isn't the melding of two into one but the relationship that exists for the sake of saying that it exists.
Personally, I will go with the tradition every time because I want those aspects of the relationship that I saw growing up that made each mate elevated by the other. I wholeheartedly believe in being married and at the time that you decide to be in a monogamous relationship, you still have your interests and beliefs but everything being about you should cease to exist and now you take care of your mate and they take care of you. Love is the greatest thing on Earth which means that is also the scariest thing on Earth. But, it's worth it!
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