Today I was having a conversation with a young lady and she says to me, "I found out something about myself that I didn't realize before. I don't like it and I am not sure what to do about it". With an opening like that, I was sitting on the edge of my seat to hear her story. It was a really good one believe me. I am not going to retell her story but I am going to give the basics.
First of all, gaining awareness of an attribute that you were not aware of in yourself is a wonderful thing. If it is an undesirable trait it may not seem like a good thing, at the time, but eventually you will see the treasure that you've uncovered. Okay, to sum up our conversation she was told by a person she used to deal with, that basically she was too eager. He told her that during the time that they dated, she was always planning things and insinuating herself into his space. He advised her that she just didn't let things happen naturally. She asked me what I thought about that. Here is the advice and insight I gave to her.
I have observed, over the years, that if you want a man that will take the lead and be in control without being controlling, you have to let the man be in control. An alpha male will want to be in the man's position. For a man that means that he will need to be the person that is in front and the woman is expected to fall in line behind him. He will let you know when he wants to see you and spend time with you. He will plan the dates and pick you up or arrange with you transportation. He will let his friends and family know who you are and he will take care of the needs that you have made him aware of. As a woman, taking the lead in these situations will only make the man feel as though he is not needed and he will pull away from having a relationship with you. This is not the type of man that you should want if you don't want a man to be the lead in these situations. Problem solved!
As a strong woman, I know that it is up to me to do a few things as the lead of a relationship with an alpha man. I should lead on the issues that he has not shown any interest in. These can vary from person to person. All I can do is pay attention to the man that I have chosen to follow and I won't have a problem with leading in the other categories of life. This doesn't mean that I don't get to voice my opinion and get off of my chest the things that I need to get off. Every woman in the know knows that it is the approach you take that gets the results. For me the conversation was not a call for a personal change in this young lady if she wanted to be involved in a relationship with a man that couldn't lead her. However, if she wants a man that can be in control without controlling then she would have to let him take the lead and tell her when he wants to see her and spend time with her and once he has made that known to her then she can go in full speed because now he has opened the door for her. Women and men can still have traditional rules of dating and being in a relationship if that is their desire. It is okay to want the type of relationship that you have seen working for another couple as long as you remember to tweak it and customize it to represent you and the person you are in a relationship with.
First of all, gaining awareness of an attribute that you were not aware of in yourself is a wonderful thing. If it is an undesirable trait it may not seem like a good thing, at the time, but eventually you will see the treasure that you've uncovered. Okay, to sum up our conversation she was told by a person she used to deal with, that basically she was too eager. He told her that during the time that they dated, she was always planning things and insinuating herself into his space. He advised her that she just didn't let things happen naturally. She asked me what I thought about that. Here is the advice and insight I gave to her.
I have observed, over the years, that if you want a man that will take the lead and be in control without being controlling, you have to let the man be in control. An alpha male will want to be in the man's position. For a man that means that he will need to be the person that is in front and the woman is expected to fall in line behind him. He will let you know when he wants to see you and spend time with you. He will plan the dates and pick you up or arrange with you transportation. He will let his friends and family know who you are and he will take care of the needs that you have made him aware of. As a woman, taking the lead in these situations will only make the man feel as though he is not needed and he will pull away from having a relationship with you. This is not the type of man that you should want if you don't want a man to be the lead in these situations. Problem solved!
As a strong woman, I know that it is up to me to do a few things as the lead of a relationship with an alpha man. I should lead on the issues that he has not shown any interest in. These can vary from person to person. All I can do is pay attention to the man that I have chosen to follow and I won't have a problem with leading in the other categories of life. This doesn't mean that I don't get to voice my opinion and get off of my chest the things that I need to get off. Every woman in the know knows that it is the approach you take that gets the results. For me the conversation was not a call for a personal change in this young lady if she wanted to be involved in a relationship with a man that couldn't lead her. However, if she wants a man that can be in control without controlling then she would have to let him take the lead and tell her when he wants to see her and spend time with her and once he has made that known to her then she can go in full speed because now he has opened the door for her. Women and men can still have traditional rules of dating and being in a relationship if that is their desire. It is okay to want the type of relationship that you have seen working for another couple as long as you remember to tweak it and customize it to represent you and the person you are in a relationship with.
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