I have been forced to look in the mirror at myself. This means the physical, psychological mirror. Oh my goodness, that is really a tough undertaking. What was I thinking? I wasn't necessarily thinking about anything except clearing my head and getting on with my life. Wow how did things get so beautifully messy? I am not sure how it got this way or even how I should straighten it out; but I will make the first step to clean it up.
When I look in the physical mirror there are so many aspects of the reflection that don't make a whole lot of sense to me. Until I was the age of of about 22 I was slim--with a butt, hips and thighs. Then I begun taking some medication and gained about 70 pounds in 4 months. That was a huge blow to me. I couldn't figure out what to do about it. Over the next few years I gained about 30 more pounds. The little bit of self esteem and self worth I had was completely shot. I couldn't stand up for myself and I fell for a lot of crap. Looking in the mirror I saw plenty of things that I didn't like but I remember hearing the voice of one of my cousins telling me, "when you look in the mirror you have to find something you like and keep telling yourself that that part is beautiful". I took her advice and started from the head down. I have beautiful eyes is what I would continue to tell myself as I looked in the mirror. Then I could move down a little and see a nice smile. Now it was time to look at the rest of my body and find something. I have great boobs. That is as far as I have gotten so far but I will continue to move downward until I can look in the mirror and like the full reflection. I am coming closer to this goal because I have begun to take better care of myself. I have lost 14 pounds in the past couple of months and I will keep going down that road. I feel good.
The psychological mirror was much harder to look into. I know that I am not in the place that I can really share this portion of my life yet. I feel that everyone has to deal with this part of themselves by themselves before it can be shared. What I can say is that at this stage in my life, I have more focus than I have ever had before. I know what my assets are and I have a pretty good idea on how to showcase them. Another thing I know is that I search to learn something new everyday. I am a full-time student of a college and of the world. I live to gain knowledge of the unknown. Today I learned that people make up lists and criteria in their mind and they can be so strict with these guidelines that they miss out on or push aside the parts of life and the people in their life that help them gain happiness because they don't want to veer away from some unrealistic expectations and unreasonable rules. I think a person should know for sure what they can and can not accept like cheating and lying. That being said, I feel sorry for those that will not give a variety of people a chance. It's just sad. Stay tuned for my revelations on my psychological state.
In the grand scheme of things I have miles to go. In the here and now of it all, I feel good about where I am and the strides, no matter how small, that I am making.
When I look in the physical mirror there are so many aspects of the reflection that don't make a whole lot of sense to me. Until I was the age of of about 22 I was slim--with a butt, hips and thighs. Then I begun taking some medication and gained about 70 pounds in 4 months. That was a huge blow to me. I couldn't figure out what to do about it. Over the next few years I gained about 30 more pounds. The little bit of self esteem and self worth I had was completely shot. I couldn't stand up for myself and I fell for a lot of crap. Looking in the mirror I saw plenty of things that I didn't like but I remember hearing the voice of one of my cousins telling me, "when you look in the mirror you have to find something you like and keep telling yourself that that part is beautiful". I took her advice and started from the head down. I have beautiful eyes is what I would continue to tell myself as I looked in the mirror. Then I could move down a little and see a nice smile. Now it was time to look at the rest of my body and find something. I have great boobs. That is as far as I have gotten so far but I will continue to move downward until I can look in the mirror and like the full reflection. I am coming closer to this goal because I have begun to take better care of myself. I have lost 14 pounds in the past couple of months and I will keep going down that road. I feel good.
The psychological mirror was much harder to look into. I know that I am not in the place that I can really share this portion of my life yet. I feel that everyone has to deal with this part of themselves by themselves before it can be shared. What I can say is that at this stage in my life, I have more focus than I have ever had before. I know what my assets are and I have a pretty good idea on how to showcase them. Another thing I know is that I search to learn something new everyday. I am a full-time student of a college and of the world. I live to gain knowledge of the unknown. Today I learned that people make up lists and criteria in their mind and they can be so strict with these guidelines that they miss out on or push aside the parts of life and the people in their life that help them gain happiness because they don't want to veer away from some unrealistic expectations and unreasonable rules. I think a person should know for sure what they can and can not accept like cheating and lying. That being said, I feel sorry for those that will not give a variety of people a chance. It's just sad. Stay tuned for my revelations on my psychological state.
In the grand scheme of things I have miles to go. In the here and now of it all, I feel good about where I am and the strides, no matter how small, that I am making.
Comments
Post a Comment