2019...

I set out to do an end of the year wrap up and while I was organizing my thoughts, a few things came to mind. Today is, the last day of the month, the last day of the year and the last day of the decade... phew! I decided, I must go ahead and wrap all of those things up.  First up December 31, 2019.

This month has been filled with so many ups and downs in my personal life.  I haff such a victorious November I would never have imagined this month ending on such a sour note.  Unfortunately, I had so many trials and negativity thrown at me that today,  I have found it hard to even stand up for myself.  

I remember speaking those words to one of my closest cousins and the breath she inhaled was so sharp, I could hear her heart breaking for me. I am the one that stands up for everyone else and fights. I am on a sabbatical from that right now.  Adios December 2019, I will not miss you.  Next up the year of 2019.

Refer to the previous paragraphs and apply it to my year. It's the reason I have no fight left in me.  2019, jump off a cliff and kill yourself; there is no love lost!  Surely,  good things happened in the past decade? 

2010 was going along just fine then, my house burns down. 90% of my worldly possessions destroyed. 100% of my human beings survived so I know you are probably thinking, that year was a wash but nope. My human beings were alright and it turned out,  I had a lot of crap.  The fire was a time of cleansing. 

Not only was I fortunate enough to realize that my life was perfectly fine without the stuff, I realized I had people that I needed to cleanse from my life along with ideas that just did not work for me any longer.  Out with the old, in with the new attitude. 

2011, I did something different. That led me to meeting my future husband.  My oldest kid graduated from high school and life was looking pretty good. That was a great year. 

2012, I suffered the loss of one of my aunts. She was special to me and I to her. It was the fourth of July.  Oh my heart still aches from not being able to speak with her. What a great loss for our family.  Fast forward a few months and the guy I met the previous year tells me we are getting married. That was August of 2012 on a cruise. 

December 22, 2012, I did marry that guy that I knew in my heart was my person. My dad's health was beginning to fail but he mustered up enough strength to walk me down the aisle. He knew he could rest after that because a husband would pick up where he left off for loving and protecting and caring for me. This year was a mix of good and bad obviously.  I was in high spirits though. 

Exactly one month after my wedding, I find out I am about 3 weeks pregnant; yep a honeymoon baby.  My dad said it's a boy and he checked on me most days.  Even the days he couldn't tend to his own needs. He was a great man. 

June,  my daughter and neice graduated from high school.  My parents bought a cruise for the whole family.  I didn't go because I was having morning sickness on land who knows what the sea would bring.  The day before the cruise June 23rd, my beloved dad passed away on his sleep.  My world fell apart.  I didn't have the luxury of feeling my feelings though because I was pregnant and had a new husband and bonus kids...ugh!

My baby was born on Friday the 13th in the month of September. I was happy and sad.  He was healthy and handsome but my dad wasn't there to see him.  This year ended with a bittersweet note.  It's all good though.

2014 was a fairly nondescript year with a sad exception.  My little cousin died from complications due to cancer.  I hoped cancer would catch cancer and die. 

2015 same as the previous year except my dear Uncle passed away.  

2016 stats on a fairly good note.  My husband and I are building a house and though we are living separately we can't wait for our first home to be finished.  Before that can happen I am dealt a hand that no parent wants. 

March of that year my daughter is diagnosed with cancer.  She comes from good stock and she fights and fights and kicks cancer's butt. My house gets done and all is well.  This year ends with my family and me in a good place. 

Not much for 2017, I am just cruising along.  Everyone is happy and healthy. 

2018 comes in and brings snow.  It also brings another death to my family. She went in the hospital because of pneumonia.  She was getting better, she shouldn't have died.  My heart is grieving that January.  Then March my aunt aunt dies.  My heart hasn't truly healed from the others.  I dio believe it takes a toll.  It's hard for me to feel joy for a while.  That year ends thank God.

2019 has been a complete witch to me so I am happy to see it go. 

2020 has no choice but to bring my dreams to life because I have been working towards a few things. I may have to lose a few things before that year is done but I have 365 days to worry about that. 

Happy New Year