As I was driving today and listening to some old school hip hop, the artist referred to a woman as a b#%*h. That punched me in the gut in a way that it never has. When I have a strong reaction to anything I check myself. Why had the wind been knocked out of me?
One important thing to know about me is that I am proud to be a member of the black community. I love black women and I absolutely adore black men. As I sit with this thought I realize what an uphill battle it has been and at times, still is, for me to truly support black men. Don't worry black man, I am a black woman and we are the strongest group on this planet so, I will continue to be devoted to and supportive of the black man.
So, I have been cheated on too many times to count. It is such a deep hurt to feel you are being good to another person and doing all you can to have a successful relationship. I don't believe the guys ever thought about that and how deeply it hurt my self-worth. In spite of the hurt, I worked hard at not putting what happened in the past cause me to project it into whatever was my current situation. I would continue to support black men in spite of the lack of support for me.
I have been approached by black men in a respectful manner and I have been approached in very disrespectful manners. I have had one walk up to me and pull out a stack of money and say something so rude I won't repeat it. Being grabbed by the arm is bad enough but I have been grabbed and kept from walking away, and I have had my butt grabbed on numerous occasions. Of course that speaks loudly to the type of person these guys are but it does not make the recipient feel supported either.
I unfortunately have been called a b#$%h, a piece of $#!@, and a ho. All of this by black men. I would venture out and say black men that don't feel they did anything wrong; they don't feel what they have said or done is degrading to me. Maybe if they could understand how these things beat a black woman down in the same way that it would if a white person felt free to just call him a nigger. The white person is doing it to be intentionally hurtful without the knowledge of the deep-seeded pain it digs in to. Historically, black women in this country have had to endure mental, physical and emotional abuse from other races and their own.
Once we have been beat down physically or by words or from withholding positivity, we are supposed to be strong enough to hold our black man's back up teach our children they are valuable and lift up the community. Phew, it's a heavy load to carry for sure. Don't worry black man, I still have your back.
All of these things and many other things that I can admit, I have yet to process so I haven't the ability to speak about it, have made me sensitive to certain things when it pertains to black men. So, eventhough the song I was listening to earlier had a slamming beat, some of the lyrics were not good. I do have a motive for writing this piece and it's twofold.
On one side I want other black women to know they are not alone in the pain and the struggle inside pertaining to black men while still showing support. The other side is steeped in the hope that at least one black man can read this and live a bit more intentionally toward all black women. We have an abundance of support that comes out more when we are receiving support.
People always say that if you smile at a stranger or say a nice thing that you never know how it could help. There is always a reciprocal, you never know how a small word or action can push someone in that hole they are fighting to stay out of. I am completely in love with everything about black men and I hope to get the same in return.
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