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Wrath of My Madness

I used to be one of those people who believed that you get back what you put out. I knew the universe would send you what you needed if you made it known.  Yes,  I still believed in God and that he did take care of the major things like waking us up in the morning.  The rest of the day was on me though.  Over the years I pulled further and further away from these beliefs.

I pulled away, not because I no longer thought that; because I had begun manifesting my thoughts.  I was being introduced to people that were able to help me see my goals. I pulled away because I let other people take up the space that was once occupied by my thoughts for my future and my plans. It's taken me a while to get myself back but, I'm here.

I strayed so far away I couldn't even remember what made me special. I am a writer that didn't write. I am a teacher that didn't teach.  I am a healer that was overcome by pain. I was lost to the world. My voice was no longer being heard; it was was being muted. I let the special me be eaten alive.  Let the rebuild begin.

I had to realize that yes,  I am several people's mother,  I am one man's wife,  I am a daughter, a friend,  a sister,  a cousin, a sister in law and being all odd those things are lovely but are also only a percentage of who I am. I have started to work on the balance so every part of me could breathe. I have even discovered new things about myself.

I am terrified of failing and letting those who depend on me down but the fear of failing me has become more important. I have started to work my beliefs once again, and I am pushing harder.  At the age of 44 I am using what makes me special and letting my voice be heard. Don't let life stop you from living.

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