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Mirror, mirror!

I know it has been a long time since I last updated.  I am going to do better.  I've been working on a memoir so I have had to dig deep and write things I may not have even admitted to myself.

There are good and bad in everyone and this I know for a fact.  The thing is,  most of us won't examine ourselves deep enough to make the discovery.  Thankfully,  once I reached my mid- twenties,  I learned the value of self- examination.  Making the journey is never fun but gaining the truth gives me a feeling of triumphant.

A few good truths about myself-I am trustworthy,  I am honest,  I am caring.  A few bad truths about myself - I am black/ white no in between,  I am a procrastinator, I am transparent.  I know you may be saying that transparency is a good thing but I did only agree to that in a very small amount of instances.

It's so unfortunate that there are people who prey upon those of us who lay everything on the table. They may be direct with using what they know as a weapon, or they will try subliminally to slowly break you down based on what they know of you.  Here it goes, I must tell the truth again.

When I was younger,  the latter type was drawn to me and I to them.   As I began to grow into myself, those type of people still came around but I recognized it and quickly terminated any communication with them.  Now in my 40's I am an old pro at recognizing but with age I made a new realization, I couldn't be so quick to discard these people.

I realized there were lessons I could have learned but was unable to because I threw the teacher away.  I had been living amongst others and interacting with them as if we were peers or equal. I needed to learn how to interact with the more predatory type and that could only be taught by a predator. Challenge accepted.

Over the past few years, I have learned to guard my cards more and that I can be true to who I am without giving all I have. Some people are just not worth everything you have to give and that's fine. I know for a fact that in 2019 I will continue to examine myself which in turn will only allow me to give to others what they give to me.

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