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Loss/lost

One week ago my youngest son and I were running our regular errands and I decided to run a special errand.  That decision would prove to be a bit of a disastrous one.

I have always been hyper aware of how my choices don't only affect me but is intertwined with others lives.  December 13th was not different in that regard.

We are driving down the street and out of no where we get hit in the back and it sets us into a spin.  Jesus help is my quick prayer and then immediately I tell myself what I know; turn into the spin and apply slow but steady pressure to the brakes.  This works perfectly and we come to a stop before we get in a position of getting hit by oncoming traffic.  I check on my son then look up to realize the car that hit us has then crashed into a pole.  Immediate thought is I hope they too are ok.  I call my husband and mumble to him because I have never been in that sort of situation I am scared, shaking and numb.

Within 10 minutes or so of the ambulances arrival the other driver is being taken away.  He was alert but banged up pretty good.  Before we leave the scene I ask about the other driver and the officer says,  I think he will be fine.  Well....

That driver died later that  evening.  W...W...WWWWHHHHAAAATTTTTT?

I found out a couple days later and my chest couldn't have felt heavier if every brick from the Empire State Building had fallen on me.  This wasn't my fault, this wasn't my fault, this wasnt my fault! The words are on repeat in my head. I'm willing myself to believe them. I am at a loss!

I do a little fb investigation and I realize that the other driver was a husband,  father,  uncle, son, friend, to some a hero, he was a person that had people. Some of those people expressed how lost they felt in the knowledge of his demise. Lots of people offered their condolences and even more were praying for his family.  His funeral was today

Logically,  I'm not at fault but my heart realizes that my presence in that pivotal moment of his life was a catalyst to the end of his life. I'm not so naive as to believe that I had any power over this but I am aware enough to realize my position. I pray that those who feel lost gain guidance and that those of us at a loss will gain peace.

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