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Vanity, the bane of...

I know I said I would try to write chronologically about the times I haven't been writing but.... I have a hard time staying on track.  So, I had the baby.  He is beautiful and a gift from God.  Well, this post is not about him; that will be a future post.  This is about what happens when I look in the mirror.

While I was pregnant my skin looked so great, it was soft and glowing.  My body was full and slightly round because of the life I had inside of me.  I didn't feel well for most of my pregnancy but if you didn't know, looking at me you couldn't necessarily tell either.  I was simply lovely.  Stevie Wonder could have penned a new tome just for me.  Well, of course that didn't happen; truthfully nobody really paid any special or extra attention to me.  I had more interest in my ample bosom, how inappropriate done if those contents were...lol.  I regressed.  I say this to say I felt great about the whole package.  Not so much after the fact.

Even though, I didn't gain weight caring a baby still causes skin to stretch.  My skin doesn't glow anymore, probably from the lack of sleep, nutrients, being able to cleanse myself, it could be the lack of several aspects of life I am no longer able to enjoy.  The truth of the matter is that I can't or won't even look in the mirror because I don't want to face the monster that would be looking back. 

Now I am a logical thinker so I realize that I am not totally gross but I also realize that I am not completely gorgeous because of circumstances.  The ironic thing is that on a normal basis, I am not concerned about my looks.  I keep my hair combed, my face cleaned, my teeth brushed and I make sure my clothes match and fit properly.  This is a strange place for me so I am trying not to get completely consumed by my looks but it's so hard. I am working on my inner self in the meanwhile.

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