Skip to main content

Frankenstein!

There are so many aspects of me that have been formed only because of my past experiences.  I used to be afraid of acknowledging this in myself. Not anymore! I am proud of who I am now.  Yet, some of the times, my soul looks back and wonders how I got over.

From an early age, I can remember being picked on.  Even at an early age I felt those things I was being picked on for must be very bad things inside of me.  I mean shoot, who picks on people for positive attributes?  Who indeed!

Wow, what big eyes you have.  This was something I heard frequently.  As a result I begun to look down and not make much eye contact.  I now know that I have nice eyes and there are people who try and learn every trick they can to make their eyes appear larger.  The jokes on those people who pored fun of me.  Now, I have excellent eye contact and I owe it to the years of feeling horribly about my eyes.  The next object of continuing ridicule, my voice.

You talk too proper.  You sound white or any variation on this topic was a big cross for me to bear.  I rarely spoke until I was about the age of fifteen.  In fact, in kindergarten my teacher met with my mother to let her know I may have some sort of learning disability because I didn't speak, or have much eye contact with others.  I was not learning disabled I was protecting my feelings.  I didn't want to be ridiculed so I eliminated the possibility by remaining quiet.  Now, not a bad thing to have good diction and know how to enunciate and pronounce the English language.  Score number two for me.

Then as I got older and became interested in guys the ridicule took on another form.  I had and still have very peaceful parents.  There was never any talking down our yelling and screaming. This led me to being a little nicer and more understanding than a majority of others.  Of course this meant the guys would take advantage of my good nature.  I didn't look for the negative sides of people, I was trusting.  That's why out of the five boyfriends I have had all except one cheated on me and used me in any way that was advantageous.  There was a period in my life that I didn't care about any one else because of this.  Then I realized that others weren't hurting me any longer because I was hurting myself by not completely being myself.  I couldn't give them that kind of power. Now there are several people in my life that trust me and know that I will offer what I can from the kindness of my heart.  This is the third one which makes me a charm.

Now, I understand that those experiences, when put together, make up the kind, loving, caring, giving woman with the big beautiful eyes and lovely and clear speaking voice.

God is love!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Whitney already told you

 Today I just knew that I needed to write a post.  Sometimes I know what I am going to write before I start, and then other times, I'm just winging it. There are plenty of things on my mind and I still don't know what my topic of the day will be. That is until I know what it is going to be. I look at the people in my life every day.  No, not physically but logically and some of the time emotionally. I come to the same realization every time.  First off, there is no such thing as coincidence, in my opinion. I believe that the family you are born into is based on many things, but it is never a mistake.  When you meet your friends, lovers and others, it is for a divine reason.  All things work for the good.  Not some of the time; all of the time. Now let me be clear, two things can and are usually true at the same time.  You can have a happy life and feel joy while still feeling sad over certain situations. The reverse can also be true where in you f...
Post a Comment
Read more

Cafe Bustelo with a little cream

 I don't even think there is a phrase that describes the feeling that I currently have about my life.  It has been approximately, a year and a half since I have last shared.  The truth is that I have barely even written anything beyond a text message in that time.  For a while I called it writer's block but now, I know that is not a true assessment. The truth is more emotion and far-reaching than that would connote. When last we spoke I believe I was legally ending the worse chapters of my life.  Now, this is not to say that some good times were not had in that more than decade of my life, but the bad times definitely outweighed the good ones.  The lessons were a multitude with nary a time to rest really.  I am good with the knowledge of this at this point.  There has to be bad in order to enjoy the good; the night must fall in order for the sun to rise; there would be no way to turn left if you didn't have the option of turning right.  You g...
Post a Comment
Read more

True Confession!

I have a confession to make. It's funny because telling a secret or making a confession is a very hard thing yet once it's done that weight has been lifted and you feel a little lighter. That being said confession is just good for the soul. I know that the devil is trying his best to keep me from obtaining my destiny and this confession is getting ready to shame him because he is a liar and he will not kill or destroy me. I am taking back the power I gave him in this situation. I just had a birthday and I turned 36. I love when my birthday comes around. This year was no difference. Actually, it was a lot better than it has been in years. Partially because I spent my day getting to know a new person in my life but mostly because I have been getting to know myself. This is my real-life confession. I didn't begin to feel good about myself until I was in my 30's--I was around 32 actually. I had the most negative self-talk a person could have. My self-esteem and self-imag...
Post a Comment
Read more