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Unexpectations

The definition of disappointment is to fail to fulfill. That led me to think about where the failure stems from. Expectations are what leads to the wish of something that leads to the disappointment.Once I embraced this in my life I felt more at peace with myself.

When I was younger I was rarely disappointed. That's because as a child I had my parents to depend on for everything. I have great parents so usually if I asked for or expected something they would fulfill that expectation. Then when I got pregnant I would depend on the child's father to fulfill my wishes.

This stage of my life was riddled with disappointments. I had two babies and the father of the child did as close to nothing as possible.This should have been an eye-opener for me but it wasn't. I was able to move on but basically that meant moving to my next stage of disappointments; having another boyfriend.

After being myself and being there for him I expected to be chosen. I expected that he would make me his wife. Even after the disappointment of finding out that I was cheated on I still had that expectation. These are the years I call my extremely foolish years.Unfortunately for me, these years were many as were the disappointments. I thank God that someone prayed for me because I may have accepted that relationship and eventually gotten married to misery. Good riddance, not that he was a bad guy just not the one for me to share my life with. This part of my life broke me down to the point of not being able to recognize myself.

In retrospect, not recognizing myself was easy. I had no idea who I was as a person. I needed to know me. I set out on a fact-finding mission and made a colossal discovery--ME! I found out some things about me that shocked me at first and then made a world of sense. I now know what I can accept and what I can not accept. I know who I am by myself and I learned that I was depending on the wrong people. In fact I depended on people instead of on my creator. Another turn in my life approached.

As I grow in my faith, I was able to lessen what I expected of those around me. Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Now don't get it twisted, God is not through with me yet. That's to say that I depend less upon others to fulfill me.

Now I expect the unexpected and rely on my God to fulfill the wishes of my life.  This has undoubtedly led to a life with much less disappointment.  My understanding has been magnified and I feel so much lighter.

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