Lately I have been thinking a lot about death. And not really in a morbid way just contemplating the complexities of death. Even though I am close to 40 years old, I haven't experienced an extreme amount of up close death.
My first real experience with death came when I was 7 years old. My family and I was living in Okinawa, Japan during that time. I can't really remember how I used to get home after school but I do remember the day both of my parents picked my sister and I up from school. It was certainly out of the ordinary for this to happen and they didn't look very happy. We walked out of school in virtual silence and then they told us grandpa died and we have to go to Texas. I didn't understand right away because I was looking forward to seeing my family, it had been almost two years since playing with my childhood cousins. For that I was excited. Plus it meant being out of school for two weeks. I slept through most of my grandfather's funeral on that February morning so I couldn't tell you much about the service. I wasn't close to him and it wasn't much of a loss in my eyes.
Six months later, my other grandfather died. I was sad but because we were about to leave Japan my whole family couldn't come back to the states only my mother. Losing my grandfather was a big loss for me. Then a couple of months later my favorite uncle passed away also. From that time, I was 8 years old then, until about 15 I didn't really have any deaths to experience.
The summer after I turned 15 my family and I went to Texas to visit my grandmother. She was full of life and all seemed well. Then a couple of months later, I remember sitting in church and prior to church my dad saying that she had a stroke and was in the hospital. The next thing I heard was she was in surgery and I thought oh okay that's good she will be fine. That Sunday afternoon one of my cousins called a few times to talk to my dad and he wasn't home so finally my mother tells my cousin just tell me what you want to tell him and I will give him the message. I was eavesdropping on their conversation and I heard my cousin say that Bigma is dead. "What?" My mouth was wide open on the other side of that door and I rushed into my room and lied down and begun to cry. I couldn't believe it! I remember that funeral and that one of my cousins was acting crazy. I was sad and I missed her a lot. My auntie took me shopping because she thought that would make me feel better.
At 21, Craig, my uncle died and I felt extremely guilty. He asked my cousin to tell me to come to the hospital to visit him and I never felt as though he was going to die he was only about 34 years old and I just knew he would get out and go home and then I could see him then. That day never came and the day for me to visit him never came.
Two years later, my grandma died. She was battling Alzheimer's for over ten years and her suffering was over. Coping mechanisms kicked in and in my family that means humor is the goal. I remember everything about the week surrounding my grandmother's death.
There are of course other deaths I remember and experienced but I also begun thinking about the ones that may come. I am now in a stage of life where I'm not sure what my coping mechanism will be. Will there be a death in my future that will break me down? Am I strong enough to deal with and overcome an death that is going to come my way? I don't really have the answers to these questions but what I do know is that death is inevitable and God doesn't give us more than we can handle.
My first real experience with death came when I was 7 years old. My family and I was living in Okinawa, Japan during that time. I can't really remember how I used to get home after school but I do remember the day both of my parents picked my sister and I up from school. It was certainly out of the ordinary for this to happen and they didn't look very happy. We walked out of school in virtual silence and then they told us grandpa died and we have to go to Texas. I didn't understand right away because I was looking forward to seeing my family, it had been almost two years since playing with my childhood cousins. For that I was excited. Plus it meant being out of school for two weeks. I slept through most of my grandfather's funeral on that February morning so I couldn't tell you much about the service. I wasn't close to him and it wasn't much of a loss in my eyes.
Six months later, my other grandfather died. I was sad but because we were about to leave Japan my whole family couldn't come back to the states only my mother. Losing my grandfather was a big loss for me. Then a couple of months later my favorite uncle passed away also. From that time, I was 8 years old then, until about 15 I didn't really have any deaths to experience.
The summer after I turned 15 my family and I went to Texas to visit my grandmother. She was full of life and all seemed well. Then a couple of months later, I remember sitting in church and prior to church my dad saying that she had a stroke and was in the hospital. The next thing I heard was she was in surgery and I thought oh okay that's good she will be fine. That Sunday afternoon one of my cousins called a few times to talk to my dad and he wasn't home so finally my mother tells my cousin just tell me what you want to tell him and I will give him the message. I was eavesdropping on their conversation and I heard my cousin say that Bigma is dead. "What?" My mouth was wide open on the other side of that door and I rushed into my room and lied down and begun to cry. I couldn't believe it! I remember that funeral and that one of my cousins was acting crazy. I was sad and I missed her a lot. My auntie took me shopping because she thought that would make me feel better.
At 21, Craig, my uncle died and I felt extremely guilty. He asked my cousin to tell me to come to the hospital to visit him and I never felt as though he was going to die he was only about 34 years old and I just knew he would get out and go home and then I could see him then. That day never came and the day for me to visit him never came.
Two years later, my grandma died. She was battling Alzheimer's for over ten years and her suffering was over. Coping mechanisms kicked in and in my family that means humor is the goal. I remember everything about the week surrounding my grandmother's death.
There are of course other deaths I remember and experienced but I also begun thinking about the ones that may come. I am now in a stage of life where I'm not sure what my coping mechanism will be. Will there be a death in my future that will break me down? Am I strong enough to deal with and overcome an death that is going to come my way? I don't really have the answers to these questions but what I do know is that death is inevitable and God doesn't give us more than we can handle.
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